“Can I top you?” I asked my spouse. We were naked in bed, talking and making out. It was a beautiful spring afternoon.
Yes, I’m switchy in theory. But this was a direct ask from a strong feeling. I don’t remember ever asking him that exact question.
“Sure,” he said.
I felt an animal desire–I wanted to use him. Yes, I wanted to feel him react to me physically. I wanted the power for sure.
“Let me try some music and turn off the fan,” I said.
I needed him to be able to hear me tell him what to do. The music was kind of hokey, but I liked it anyway–waterfall white noise with drum.
“Will you scooch down so your knees are at the edge of the bed?” I asked. “Will you put a pillow under your head?”
He did, and I started to dance. The drum sound was kindling more power feelings in me. I was naked and moved my hips in a circle motion. I felt soft, very strong, heavy, substantial, and sexy.
My spouse was lying back on the bed, beautiful with his boner sticking up, available to me. He admired my dancing.
The scene idea I had: telling him to masturbate as I described a fantasy that’s been going through my head. I have a specific delicious fantasy that I’ve been getting off on. To make him come to that fantasy would get me off a lot.
But I wanted to play with him first. I touched his naked thighs and sighed.
“God, you are so gorgeous,” I said.
It’s a joy to love him for 12 years and see how his body changes. His skills and values shift also. I’m there for it all.
I kissed his thighs and gently bit them. I grasped his hips firmly and kissed his balls. Then I took his whole dick deep in my mouth suddenly and slurped at it. Mmm, delicious.
He gasped, and he enjoyed me going down on him. I hummed deeply and felt the vibrations of my throat travel into his dick and balls.
“Suck that dick,” he said.
“No,” I said. I stopped and looked at him–I shook my head. He was not allowed to tell me what to do. This was not our usual.
Next time, I will tell him the fantasy that’s been playing in my head, turning me on. This time, I sucked and sucked his dick until he came down my throat.
But he didn’t come all the way. I swallowed his semen, then told him to beat off. Greedily I watched him as he masturbated fast with his eyes closed and mouth clamped down on itself. I was thrilled by the second half of his orgasm and ejaculation. He’s the only dicked person I’ve ever known who often comes in those two parts separately.
Maybe next time I’ll play the same song and circle my hips again, asking him to look at me. I’ll feel the sexy power in my ass and cunt and large tits.
Things are changing. I want to go to another sex party, but I want to attend collared. I asked my spouse if we could buy me a collar, because I would feel more safe at the party if I went as belonging to him.
How ironic that I ask to be collared, and that’s when my inner top decides to spin out.
“That was heavenly,” I said afterward. “Only one thing was wrong.”
“What?” he asked.
“When you told me what to do,” I said.
“Oh, yeah. Right,” he said. “I forgot.”
“You’re not allowed to do that,” I said.
“Right,” he said.
“Will you do better next time?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“Is it ok?” I asked, more seriously. “Is it ok for me to change?”
“Yes,” he said.
can I top you
I thought of him long term, all we’ve done together. Then I considered who we were before we knew each other, and what we did when we were young.
Maybe my hormones changed. Or maybe my anger needs somewhere new to go. We will communicate and do what feels good. And harm ye none, do what you will.