Categories
theory

what do you notice

I read a question on a fetlife group–what do you notice first, when you meet someone.  A lot of answers were “eyes” and “smile.”  Some “ass” and “breasts” also.  The implication was that the new person was being judged as potentially attractive. Is everyone judging everyone, as potentially attractive?  I am bi/pan/fluid–I could find anyone […]

Categories
events theory

sex events

Hey, I’ve been considering attending some online sex events.  There’s a kinky book club I thought you might be interested in.  I love talking about ideas with people!  Some fiction, some non-fiction. I’d like to learn about this stuff and be able to learn more, with other interested folx.  And maybe make friends with them, […]

Categories
poem theory

what’s relationship

a previous, much shorter version of this was published in July 2020–I greatly expanded it, so here is is anew. i used to think relationships were made of words, all language.  then i decided words are just little poop pellets that relationship leaves behind–mostly worthless evidence.  then i thought relationships were soul level connection.  like […]

Categories
theory

talk dirty to me

Hey, I saw this meme to help people learn to talk dirty–and to advertise someone’s business. It made me think about language during sex; I’ve heard some people find it awkward, yeah. Sexual fantasies are what I’m made of, and my fantasies can be a lot about language, and made of language.  I fantasize about […]

Categories
ritual theory

friend who is dying

I have a friend who is dying.  We’ve been penpals for almost 30 years, since I was a teenager. I’ve never met him in person, but I saw his photo: he is an old white guy who lives near where I come from.  A little north of there. He’s a poet, and I’m a poet, […]

Categories
theory unsent letter

date

I know why I was scared of the date–that you would fall in love, get together, and this new girlfriend would hate me.  So she would ban you from talking to me, and I would get hurt and lose you.  Yikes. I guess that’s pretty standard fear of new girlfriend entering the mix.  But that […]

Categories
theory unsent letter

I want to matter to you

i realized the main thing i want out of sex is soul connection and validation.  my spouse and i have a deep emotional connection.  but other people, it’s not that i need the orgasm, conquest, stress relief, learning, or to feel powerful.  it’s not athletic, expected, or entertainment.  it’s if this amazing person wanted me, […]

Categories
poem

beam

That was the moment I would have touched your hand or asked if I could kiss you. We both wore pretty dresses, brick red and pink. I wanted to learn everything about your life north: splitting wood in your free time, community conflict, living in an RV. You said I was a role model of […]

Categories
theory

dating

I have one good friend who’s dating.  She broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago, and she’s free. She tells me about her dating experiences.  Sounds like a shitshow.  But she wants different things from what I want. fat As a fat person, I endure the pain of being mis-seen and projected upon, […]

Categories
poem

how I find it

I was happy to learn that my poem “how I find it” published in BiWomen Quarterly is on their blog.  Happy to have a poem in this magazine, and share my world view and love-philosophy with bisexual women and all people. I read my poem in the big pdf of their newsletter.  But I enjoy […]