Categories
theory

what I realized

This is what I realized, asking my spouse to stuff my holes like the slut I am, every time I complained about emotional pain from loving a man who didn’t love me and choose me.  Mostly what I realized was something sad.  Pleasing others is how I get a sense of self-worth, and that was

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smut

direct request

“I need something different,” I told my spouse.  “Something very different.  So I’m going to write down my direct request.” He was in the mood to please me, even more than usual. “Ok, sounds great,” he said. a mood I had been experiencing intense grief.  I was in a mood, and I needed sexual pleasure

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Categories
theory

to comfort a slut

“There’s only one way to comfort a slut,” I told my spouse. “Open up,” he said. “Yes, I need my holes stuffed,” I said. heartbroken Yes, I was heartbroken and in need of deep comfort.  I tried to love a man who I found so beautiful, brilliant, and charming.  The gentle way he touched me,

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Categories
theory

rejection and fatness

I wanted a man.  What did I want him for?  I wanted to share a significant love–I wanted to matter to him.  I wanted to do something advanced and long term.  He thought about it.  My sexual desires got mixed into all of this.  His sexual desires, not so much?  It brought up pain about

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Categories
theory

how does your dick feel

“How does your dick feel today?” I asked my spouse.  We were in bed.  I was checking in with him about pain level and feeling state, at the beginning part of sex.  I had already asked about his head, feet, butt, tummy, and legs. “It wants you,” he said. “Wow!  Great!’ I said.  “How fortunate

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Categories
unsent letter

this body

Hello, I notice you emotionally checked out. Your silence feels like abandonment of this body. Is that what you want? You will be there for me when I’m right in front of you crying.  But the Nest that felt those feelings is still here. Do you care about this body and person who is me?

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