Categories
theory

money, power, and sex

“If I was hugging him while he was wearing a suit, and I was getting off on that, what would that mean?” I asked my spouse.  We were talking about money, power, and sex. “I would think you were getting off on safety,” my spouse said.  “The suit is a way to be safe.” “Yeah,

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theory unsent letter

powerful

Dear housemate, I was surprised and thrown off balance when you told me at dinner, announced in front of everyone, that the weird thing about me is how I don’t recognize how powerful I am.  Wow.  It was a vulnerable, extra-honest thing to say. Not that you were wrong.  But I’m trying to figure out

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unsent letter

runaway

You know that kid you met on the train and wanted to save?  She was a runaway.  The secret was she had escaped from sex work. You wanted to help her, but how?  It was a bad situation.  How much was she playing you? I was trying to understand the severity / immediacy of the

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family theory

rotten

Is it possible that a family has something rotten at its core?  My family has something like a horror movie woven into the cloth.  I don’t want to use the word “evil.”  More like diseased.  But that sounds like an ableist metaphor. Is this rotten-ness real, and if so, what do I do about it?

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Categories
theory

queer sex

I love queer sex, and am not keen on straight sex.  But maybe it’s a false distinction?  That’s what I’m pondering today. I think of queer sex as dynamic–it changes mid-scene and over the years creative–we have to do different things than insert a tab into a slot showing up as my whole self transformative–it

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theory

new pants

He was wearing new pants, bright and colorful.  He bought them at an Asian import store in town, mostly Nepali, on a whim. Usually my spouse wears dude clothes, dressed as a hiker, with REI style nylon outdoorsy cargo pants and cotton tee shirts, earth tones, with hiker-style shoes.  So these bright rainbow cotton hippie

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Categories
smut

impact sounds

I recorded impact sounds and thought you might enjoy hearing them.  My spouse was hitting me on the ass, and I had emotional vocal responses. It’s been a stressful time.  I need pleasure, to relax and lose myself.  We hadn’t recorded anything in a year or so.  But we were house sitting and had the

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Categories
theory

collar

I made myself a collar, and I love it.  Well, my spouse helped with the ends.  We collaborate happily. I used black parachute cord from a craft store and a metal double sided leash release.  Not sure what to call those things; English fails me. It turned out beautiful and works great for my senses,

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Categories
theory

spark

When you have a crush on someone, what makes the spark?  Where does the crush come from? There’s chemistry–it’s not just liking someone.  Friendship is everywhere, but a crush is different.  There’s a mysterious combination of factors.  I get excited, then hormones take over.  My body trusts another person, whether it’s actually safe to trust

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Categories
theory

what do you see

“What do you see?” I asked my spouse. We were both nakedly post-sex cuddling, and I’d asked my spouse to hold my legs up.  I have decades of problems with my lymph, so sometimes I ask the lymph to drain back toward my center where it can be processed and moved out. My spouse was

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