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unsent letter

sex with our housemate

When you left here, it was messy and painful.  Your choice to have sex with our housemate was part of that.  I think you anticipated a fun, hot, lighthearted encounter.  Maybe no one would know.  Probably you had zero idea what the consequences would be. I’m sorry you made that choice.  I hope sex with

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theory unsent letter

powerful

Dear housemate, I was surprised and thrown off balance when you told me at dinner, announced in front of everyone, that the weird thing about me is how I don’t recognize how powerful I am.  Wow.  It was a vulnerable, extra-honest thing to say. Not that you were wrong.  But I’m trying to figure out

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unsent letter

runaway

You know that kid you met on the train and wanted to save?  She was a runaway.  The secret was she had escaped from sex work. You wanted to help her, but how?  It was a bad situation.  How much was she playing you? I was trying to understand the severity / immediacy of the

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theory unsent letter

favorite times with you

As you prepare to leave, I prepare to live without you.  You’ll always be in my heart, but maybe never again in my day-to-day life.  I’m pondering our whole friendship.  These are sweet memories of my favorite times with you. hand massage At the meeting when I invited you to massage my hands, was it

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list theory unsent letter

sex gratitude

Here’s a list of my sex gratitude. respect Thank you for caring about my well-being, pleasure, and safety.  Thank you for caring about my whole life including before you arrived on the scene, and if there’s time that I live without you.  Your responsible kindness–in bed and outside of bed–makes me want you.  I want

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unsent letter

why they broke up with you

Dear friend, this is why they broke up with you. scary That confidence that makes bosses promote you to supervisor is what makes you scary to argue with.  You hold beliefs with rigid certainty that crushes others.  Your confidence is lack of curiosity, which is chilling. Love means caring what the other person thinks and

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unsent letter

your room

I used to think of your room as a beautiful, almost magical place that smells so nice, and has those crystals by the door.  Just passing by, I was blissed.  The place where you rest, where you get vulnerable. Before you left for a trip, you would bring up that your room is available to

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list poem unsent letter

safety into me

I wanted you to fuck the safety into me. I wanted your hands on me for a much longer time. I wanted to matter to your body. I wanted your unique intelligence up in my unique intelligence. I wanted to see how being close to you would change me. I wanted someone to collaborate with

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theory unsent letter

hug

I could fully relax with you.  During the long beautiful hug, my body, mind, and soul were doing the same thing.  That’s so rare for me–like ritual.  Usually I’m fragmented.  My soul was called up from where it hides, to fully inhabit my body and be near you. I was showing up for love.  But

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list poem unsent letter

the altar

When I soaked black lentils on the counter at the same time you marinated tempeh on the counter, I pretended you were my friend. I hope your meal was as delicious as mine. I dodged you in the kitchen as well as I could, no longer crying about your leaving. I’d memorized your departure date,

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