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theory unsent letter

love is

I think love is only one thing: a gorgeous healing energy that connects us and motivates us.  It helps us know what’s important and decide what to do.  But love can take on so many forms, and I’ve been thinking about what I really want with you. options Some people who I love, I might

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theory unsent letter

better than me

I thought you and your girlfriend were so much better than me.  You seemed super-competent, great at being social, and got so much done.  You both seemed like real grownups. Yes, you and your girlfriend were a power couple.  Both so vibrant and good at life. At the time, I felt like a fuckup.  It

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unsent letter

what you lost

The manipulative email you sent me, after three years of silence, has been bothering me.  I’m thinking about what you lost when you chose to treat me like shit until I finally successfully broke up with you.  I can’t believe you harmed me so harshly, yet you’re still knocking on my door.  It was so

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theory unsent letter

foot massage

I have admired you for so long, since I first met you ten years ago.  How competent, energetic, and brilliant you are, with values of peace and community.  I thought about you off and on all day, knowing I’d see you in the evening.  I had a fantasy about giving you a foot massage. Seemed

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theory unsent letter

sex drive origin

What is your sex drive origin?  Did it form from early experiences of violation?  Did it form from seeing happy relationships around you in your family and neighborhood?  Was it the media?  Older kids who taught you what valuable is and what’s worth it, as you rode bikes or played video games in someone’s basement?

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ritual unsent letter

nature place

I wish to go with you to a nature place–the beach, a forest, the desert here.  I’d pray to Mother Earth silently, or out loud if you didn’t mind, and say thank you.  I’d thank her for nourishing you to life and helping you be a person all these years.  Gladly, I’d thank Mother Earth

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unsent letter

to dream

The conversation didn’t go how I thought it would at all.  I thought we were going to talk about relationship options, and I felt excited.  Beforehand I’d imagined possibilities we could try.  It was fun to dream. I was unprepared for how “no” you seemed.  Wow–why have a conversation, if the answer is just that

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theory unsent letter

difficult things

How many difficult things can you do in a day?  I like to do only one per day.  Then I can think about it, learn my lessons, roll it over in my mind, tell friends what I did and get their support and feedback.  Possibly recover so I can do more difficult things, other days.

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unsent letter

fuck you

Fuck you for inviting me to your bed, having a tender sexual experience with me, and rejecting me the following day. Fuck you for acting like every selfish, horny, immature boy acted toward me from the time I was age 10 to the time I was age 22.  But flying across the country on an

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theory unsent letter

the friend

I’m 95% convinced that I need to give up the friend I loved who hurt me, the harmful house guest.  Not speaking with him for a month, I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve pondered in my own mind, written about him, and shared conversations with close friends about what happened. Mostly I accept the loss, but

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