the fool

Spirit keeps telling me to throw my naked body at my spouse.  As life changes and I change, I ask Spirit: How can I care for my spouse, nurture the relationship, be kind to him, proceed with him?  I get the Fool, which in my deck is a naked white woman with flowers in her hair and decorating her body, joyfully jumping off a cliff.

Her breasts defy gravity.  She looks so happy, about to give everything.

Yes, I will do that.  I will be the Fool, walking anew down the path– a new person with my spouse over and over again, flinging my naked body on him as much as he wants.

Sex is healing.  I have no girlfriend or other partner at this time.  We have more privacy these days, in our new place.  Maybe it will be just me and my spouse from here on.  So be it.

Beginning again and again is necessary for marriage, as we’re new people all the time.  It doesn’t get boring, though we’ve been together 12 years now.  I like who we’ve become together.

I’m foolish in so many ways.  I’m happy to be the fool for love.

love

My spouse is happy to support me as I make mistakes.  It’s extra generous of him because he’s disabled–I’m disabled.  Not like he has energy to spare.

Yet he supports me unconditionally.  Chasing a kind friend who doesn’t want me back?  Worshiping a selfish white guy for very little reason?  Obsessing about zines or witchery or whatever hyperfixation is in front…?  My spouse is almost as interested as I am.  He’s curious and very kind.

I’m grateful every day.  What is love?  There’s a twitterpated feeling– the crush aspect.  Sexual desire is great, in the mix.  But my favorite part of love is probably whole-life nurturing.

What is best for this person, me and this person, and the whole world?  I love asking someone I love what they need and helping them get it.  That’s an incredible pleasure–helping someone on their path.

I also love knowing someone for a long time, seeing the patterns of their life, and forming my own opinions.  Not that I want to tell them what to do.  But I enjoy noticing what someone does over the years, and comparing the behavior to the narrative.

the fool

There’s a naivety to love, absolutely.  I will keep trying with you, no matter what.  It’s ok if I fall on my face sometimes.