healing my sexual trauma through love and BDSM
Reenacting violence in a safe way helps me process my experiences and remove their power. I do it automatically.
It works–I heal everyday misogyny, old sexual assault trauma, violence psychiatric and medical harm. Stuff about me individually, but also for my ancestors.
I blur the line between ritual and regular life, performance art and regular life, sacred and profane. I do that automatically also. Profane is my favorite kind of sacred. I don’t make up the rules.
chaos
If you look closely and over time, at who is Nest, the patterns will arise. There’s a little chaos everywhere, but I’m a deeply sense-making, consistent person. Well, consistently changing.
My beliefs and behaviors vary, but my values are solid. You would forget what I said, forget what I did, but remember how my breasts felt on your legs or back or whatever.
Hopefully keep the letter for a while and study my handwriting and words between the words, before you put it out with the recycling or leave it on the bench at the bus stop, for a tired stranger to read, or to blow away in the wind.
sex
A lot of people believe they invented sex, but humans have probably
been doing it for a while.
I’d like a room with a huge comfy bed, clean sheets, pillows, wedges.
A strap-on made of rose quartz, tissues, its own bathroom with a
really big shower. Airy, filled with light, maybe soundproof,
with swings, and a warm pool.
A happy place. Nice restraints. A huge pregnancy pillow. Maybe some
plants to bring life. Pretty art of naked fat people on the walls. I’m
thinking pinks and greens and oranges.
But maybe I shouldn’t keep it to one room. Maybe my whole life should be like that. What do you think?
sugar
I love you, could love you, hope to love you, loved you before. Found you valuable beyond anything. Kept you, lost you, let you go. Wake up holding hands with you, sometimes. Shared a garden with you, shared a life with you. Till you dissolved back into the world, like sugar in tea.
queer
who is Nest from Breasts of the Challenging Daughter
I’m large and rounded, an Earth Goddess, barefoot and not pregnant, full of vibrant energy, queer magic. Growing gardens, making soup, making peace with hippies of all kinds,
performing rituals, singing in several languages, making love with kind people who know how to love, being who I am with authenticity. Loyal and overflowing with compassion, while taking no shit.
