unsent letter

something special

A: I see we’re doing something special.

B: What do you mean?  I don’t want to do anything special.

A: Oh, well, it looks like we are.  Can we talk about that?

B: Yes, let’s talk about it.  I don’t know you that well, I like to do egalitarian generalized relationships, and I don’t want something special.

A: Ok, well–nonetheless, we’re doing something special.  I guess we should stop.

B: I’m terrified of messing things up more.  No, I don’t want to stop doing something special.

A: Oh, well–you said you didn’t want to do something special.

B: I actually want to do something special more than anything.  But I’m independent and super scared.  I have all this trauma.

A: Oh, well, then maybe we are not the best combination of needs.  I’m specifically looking for something special or unspecial.  Maybe we should just be unspecial to one another.

B: No, we can stay in a middle place indefinitely, figuring out what we’re doing over and over again, with lots of work.

A: Uh, that wasn’t really an option I offered.

B: We need to stay in a middle place. You will work very hard doing lots of feeling and language, while I try to figure out what the fuck I’m doing, as you feel pain and longing.

A: I’m not sure that’s such a good deal for me.


B: Here is a kind sentence and kind attention to entice you.

A: Hmm, I like that sentence and that attention.

B: Yes, the middle place is where we have to dwell.

A: Hmm, this looks like a bad idea.  My friends are telling me so.

B: Let’s have long emotional conversations about how we’re not doing anything special.  Then I can feel like a good person and praise myself for caring about how you feel.


A: Wow, that was a totally fucking exhausting conversation.

B: That was a great conversation.

A: Oh crap.

This is how my relationships with dudes go for modern times.  Sorry about that.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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