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theory

transmen

“Oh hey, I think I figured out why there are so many transmen in our life,” I told my spouse.  We were on a long car ride, and my spouse was driving well. “I think it’s because transmen know how to feel,” I continued.  “Transmen know how to love.  But they’re dudeish at the same

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theory unsent letter

better than me

I thought you and your girlfriend were so much better than me.  You seemed super-competent, great at being social, and got so much done.  You both seemed like real grownups. Yes, you and your girlfriend were a power couple.  Both so vibrant and good at life. At the time, I felt like a fuckup.  It

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unsent letter

what you lost

The manipulative email you sent me, after three years of silence, has been bothering me.  I’m thinking about what you lost when you chose to treat me like shit until I finally successfully broke up with you.  I can’t believe you harmed me so harshly, yet you’re still knocking on my door.  It was so

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theory

loving a man

Loving a man feels a bit treacherous.  Either I don’t care, or I care too much.  Feels impossible to find a sweet spot. I have a friend–I can’t recall how we met.  Oh, it was a radical support meeting, years ago.  He dumpster dove flowers for us.  I thought he might be a lady, when

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theory

executor

“I don’t want to be the executor,” I said.  It was ten years ago–my mom was making her trust. “Honey, please,” she said. I imagined myself incapacitated by grief, trying to sell the house.  Being executor sounded like a horrible idea.  On the best of days, it’s difficult to take care of myself.  No way,

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theory unsent letter

sex drive origin

What is your sex drive origin?  Did it form from early experiences of violation?  Did it form from seeing happy relationships around you in your family and neighborhood?  Was it the media?  Older kids who taught you what valuable is and what’s worth it, as you rode bikes or played video games in someone’s basement?

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theory

fat

content warning: fat shaming I’ve written a lot about learning to love my fat body, over the years.  This is a good overview I found in my drafts folder recently and cleaned up.  I hope it communicates well my life with fat and my journey of finding truth. survival I used to think fat equals

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theory

avoiding sex

“I haven’t thought much about those things,” the man I loved said to me.  He’d just read the long essay that’s partly why I started this blog.  It’s about sexual ethics and how I learned to love through the confusing journey of being preyed upon as a young person, healing, bdsm, sexual desire. Wow, I

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fiction smut

carnival

I had a fantasy about us meeting at a carnival.  Makes sense, dear spouse–carnival is for the flesh.  The fun before the asceticism of Lent.  I’ve never been Catholic, and neither have you.  But debauchery is inside all of us. I love you, and I would love you also if you worked for a carnival.

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theory

work boots

I saw this cute meme about respecting all kinds of work boots in this house, and I was happy. Have I told you lately that I love you, sex workers?  It’s true.  I love you.  Thank you for doing the hard work while being mostly misunderstood and villainized by many.  Sex work is work!  You

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