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theory

joker

“I never loved someone like that.  I never loved the joker.”  My spouse and I were lying in bed, and I was talking about the man I loved who came and went, the painful house guest.  Thinking of that small sound he made, the “uh, uh” in a rap song.  I was crying about what

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theory

girlfriend

I have a good friend who’s been in love with a man for a long time.  She was trying to explain their relationship to me one time.  “Oh, he would have sex with me.  But I was never his girlfriend,” she said. There was bitterness in her voice.  She’d wanted to be his girlfriend–honored, treasured,

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theory

googling my rapist

content warning: sexual assault I found out my rapist died.  Googling my rapist is something I’ve done and asked other people to do for me, periodically.  This time my good friend offered.  I asked: is he alive, town of residence, and whether he’s in jail. I think this man raped countless people.  I’m an anarchist

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theory

white guys

I saw this meme and pondered it.  Yes, I have been unskillfully fingered by people who were clueless about anatomy and what feels good to me.  Yes, they were cis white guys. The men in this picture, looking abled and cis-het, wearing similar style clothes and sunglasses, youngish, insecure, maybe angry, selfish–these are people I

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Categories
smut theory

oatmilk

“That new oatmilk I bought is terrible,” my spouse said. “Why?  What’s wrong with it?” I asked.  “I had some–I thought it was fine oatmilk!” “It’s way too thick and chunky.” “Oh!  I like it!  I guess…because I’m used to swallowing thick and chunky fluids!” We laughed.  We were in the bedroom, and he was

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theory

gender trouble

My spouse went to read yesterday’s post with the meme of the ’90s kid about to instant message your girl, and he was confused.  Gender trouble!  “Is that you?” he asked. “No!” I said.  “I didn’t make that meme!” “Oh, ok,” he said.  “Wasn’t sure.” “I didn’t look like a boy that much!” I said.

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theory

kind

Nurturing from cis-men can feel so rare–we’re beaming with joy, that a cis-man did something kind. I’ve been in the situation of my head hitting a wall during sex, and advocating for myself, or someone else advocating for me.  A few times, I was not able to say “stop” to move the pillow in place. 

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theory

monogamy is not a safety net

Sometimes I wish safety was possible.  I saw this meme saying “Monogamy is not a safety net” and felt a sad joy of recognition.  So true.  I wish monogamy was a safety net–I wish there was safety anywhere. I prefer openness, with honest communication, doing the work of love, showing up, the pleasure and joy

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theory

customer service

This meme about customer service depicts someone doing sex work.  But it reminds me of how working retail felt for me.  I stroked the egos of a bunch of nasty white guys who were customers, while dodging the harm of coworkers who all had their own agendas and assnesses also.  I had to be reliably

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Categories
theory

about love

“Hey, I wanna tell you some stuff, but it’s not romantic,” I said to my spouse.  We were cuddling.  This is about love. “It’s ok,” he said. “Ok, well.  You know I was reading that article about that health issue, and they mentioned one of those gene testing things.  I thought it was for determining

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