I have a pocket of feelings I don’t enjoy. I visit them in an addictive way. Usually I skim the surface, but today my spouse was pulling cash from an ATM, and I was sitting alone in the car. I started talking to myself, or talking to the one I love who I should not
One of my favorite groups on a social media site is about lesbian sex. I’m fascinated by lesbians. I’ve never fully been a lesbian, but I’ve considered at different parts of my life– am I a lesbian? Whatever I am, I enjoy giving lesbian sex tips to strangers. A lady was feeling guilty for not
My addictions are mine and comfortable. I wish I didn’t have them, but they’re part of me. They’re like my disabilities– I know what to do. My addictions are like soft, frayed blankets, easy to fall into. I’m not proud of them, but I’m used to them. I know how they smell. my addictions Long
I love someone, and we have chemistry. But if there’s anything I’ve learned this past year, it’s that I need to be particular. My life is derailed if I have sex with someone who’s not consistent and emotionally available. So I’ve been thinking about how not to have sex with someone– ideas for a more
This is a letter to my lover, or to someone who was my lover, and I hope one day they’re my lover again. It’s about my chosen wound. Dear one, My chosen wound is partly about fatness. You know what the world does to very fat people. But it’s more about home and safety, and
“You’re safe,” my spouse said. They stopped hitting me. It was a shorter sentence than I had requested. My spouse knows what I want– I want to be safe more than anything. They go to the root. collar We were in bed in the afternoon. I’d asked my spouse to collar me while hitting me.
“There are many ways I could sit on your lap,” Velvet said. I was relaxing on the chair, which has no arms and is wide and slick like leather or pretend leather. The chair was holding my back and huge ass, low to the floor. We had just done ritual, asking our guides to collaborate
Drop is hell. I’ve been searching for ways to be kind to myself. There are cliches of self-care, like chocolate and bubble baths– so inadequate. Drop is like intense drug withdrawal, the worst PMS, the sickest depression. Yes, I feel like I will puke. I’m happy to try reassigning drop. Fortunately, it’s working. the beginning
Before this lover I recently lost, I’m not sure I ever had avoidant sex as an adult. Definitely when I was a teenager, a series of white boys preyed on me– they were avoidant if anything. They wanted sexual pleasure then an easy exit, not to build actual relationships of balanced care. This recently lost
How I like to be hit has changed over the years. My spouse and I are coming together with renewed interest and love, after I broke up with my brilliant young lover who I had been spending significant time with. It’s a huge life change to refocus on my spouse as the person I most