My spouse and I were on a long car drive, playing driving games. Suddenly I remembered a years-forgotten game I made up when I was young. You have to rank five things. I asked my spouse to rank these five things by sexual preference. smacking my ass by hand smacking my ass by flogger consent-non-consent
Here’s a list of my sex gratitude. respect Thank you for caring about my well-being, pleasure, and safety. Thank you for caring about my whole life including before you arrived on the scene, and if there’s time that I live without you. Your responsible kindness–in bed and outside of bed–makes me want you. I want
Dear friend, this is why they broke up with you. scary That confidence that makes bosses promote you to supervisor is what makes you scary to argue with. You hold beliefs with rigid certainty that crushes others. Your confidence is lack of curiosity, which is chilling. Love means caring what the other person thinks and
When you have a crush on someone, what makes the spark? Where does the crush come from? There’s chemistry–it’s not just liking someone. Friendship is everywhere, but a crush is different. There’s a mysterious combination of factors. I get excited, then hormones take over. My body trusts another person, whether it’s actually safe to trust
“I like being nice to you, because then you keep wanting to have sex with me,” I said to my spouse, smiling. We were lying in bed mostly naked, sweetly cuddling at the end of the day. “And you’re always being nice to me, maybe because you like to have sex with me,” I added.
I was loving someone recently who held me skillfully but sent mixed messages and did not want to do intimacy. I learned a lot. I’m sorry there’s no journey we can take together. In any kind of relationship, I need responsible, consistent, gentle, and creative love. I need to see the other person clearly and
What you think about when you masturbate is a favorite topic of mine. I remember as a young person finding a copy of a book about the sex lives of women. It was a cheap paperback from the 1970s with yellowing pages. The book seemed to believe itself to be scandalous. Felt a bit sensational
This is what I realized, asking my spouse to stuff my holes like the slut I am, every time I complained about emotional pain from loving a man who didn’t love me and choose me. Mostly what I realized was something sad. Pleasing others is how I get a sense of self-worth, and that was
“There’s only one way to comfort a slut,” I told my spouse. “Open up,” he said. “Yes, I need my holes stuffed,” I said. heartbroken Yes, I was heartbroken and in need of deep comfort. I tried to love a man who I found so beautiful, brilliant, and charming. The gentle way he touched me,
A: I see we’re doing something special. B: What do you mean? I don’t want to do anything special. A: Oh, well, it looks like we are. Can we talk about that? B: Yes, let’s talk about it. I don’t know you that well, I like to do egalitarian generalized relationships, and I don’t want