“Did she fuck you in the ass?” I asked.
I was in bed with my friend. Well, we cuddled for so many hours–it was our main activity. We were in a hotel room just the two of us, cuddling like bunnies. Do friends behave that way?
“Yeah,” she replied.
“Oh god,” I moaned, repulsed.
I pondered my beloved being fucked in the ass by her abusive, lying, cheating ex-girlfriend. Why in the world did that one deserve such beautiful sex, and I’m stuck in awkward situationship?
“Why did she get everything good?” I asked. “Was she really pretty?”
My friend thought about it.
“No,” she said.
“Wow,” I said.
“She was just in the right place at the right time.”
“Wow,” I said.
“Or the wrong place at the wrong time.”
me
Where was I? Was bed with my charming beloved friend the right place, or the wrong place?
I was so drug-flooded from my own bonding hormones that I was literally drooling. For the first time, she welcomed me to bed when she was not wearing a shirt. I clung on her back–I was wearing a tank top. The skin-skin contact was so good I got very high.
A little later I extended an invitation.
“I’ve never fucked anyone in the ass,” I said. “So…let me know if you ever want to take my fucking someone in the ass virginity.”
“Oh, really?” she asked.
“No, never,” I said. “I’ve never been fucked in the ass either. Or gone down on someone’s ass. But I have those dental dams now. I think my spouse is going to let me go down on his ass finally.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I hope so. You’ve never been fucked in the ass?”
“No, not consensually,” I said. “Not as an adult.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
then
Then everything fell apart She took me to a spot she likes in the forest, and we made a small fire. I lay on the earth and cried with deep grief in my body.
I cried about my mom. Everything I’m losing. Rejection. How sex has been used to violate and harm me, then to heal me. Also withheld from me in a culture where fat, disabled poor people are not seen as sexual beings.
What do I deserve? What am I good enough to receive from my culture, my family, the people I most love?
My dear friend has a gorgeous body, so large, rounded, and real. I will never fuck her in the ass, and I can’t bear losing another family member.
2 replies on “in the ass”
[…] great to stay explorers, all these years. Next I plan to go down on his […]
[…] giggled, imagining my condomed tongue licking my spouse’s asshole. In my imagination, the condom was light blue. I wondered how it would feel to have a condom […]