Categories
theory

queer sex

I love queer sex, and am not keen on straight sex.  But maybe it’s a false distinction?  That’s what I’m pondering today. I think of queer sex as dynamic–it changes mid-scene and over the years creative–we have to do different things than insert a tab into a slot showing up as my whole self transformative–it

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

sex as validation

I’ve thought of sex as validation for much of my life.  Yes–sex as validation physically with the body.  Another person decided I am good enough to fuck.  Their body is slamming into mine in an explicit, hungry way–I know I matter to them. These intense sensations and feelings shared mean something.  To me, they mean

Continue Reading

Categories
unsent letter

why they broke up with you

Dear friend, this is why they broke up with you. scary That confidence that makes bosses promote you to supervisor is what makes you scary to argue with.  You hold beliefs with rigid certainty that crushes others.  Your confidence is lack of curiosity, which is chilling. Love means caring what the other person thinks and

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

new pants

He was wearing new pants, bright and colorful.  He bought them at an Asian import store in town, mostly Nepali, on a whim. Usually my spouse wears dude clothes, dressed as a hiker, with REI style nylon outdoorsy cargo pants and cotton tee shirts, earth tones, with hiker-style shoes.  So these bright rainbow cotton hippie

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

second sex party

Thank goodness, we attended our second sex party.  This time felt different because we brought our housemate friend.  Also it felt different because it wasn’t shocking, new, and intense. the first time The first time was such a big deal, my mind was blown.  I was overwhelmed.  I’d never done anything like that, and I

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

blurry picture

This blurry picture was a phone accident.  I saw it among my photos and laughed, then put it through a couple filters to warm and brighten.  I like my spouse’s pubic hair, that dark glimpse of joy.  What a pretty bush. I like the fairy lights on the side, cheerful.  And I love the suggestion

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

no shirt on

“Do you think Desire is going into the kitchen with no shirt on because of me?” I asked. Two weeks ago I texted something to Desire about how their hugs are like none other.  The next day my spouse reported that Desire has been in the kitchen with no shirt on in the early morning,

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

spark

When you have a crush on someone, what makes the spark?  Where does the crush come from? There’s chemistry–it’s not just liking someone.  Friendship is everywhere, but a crush is different.  There’s a mysterious combination of factors.  I get excited, then hormones take over.  My body trusts another person, whether it’s actually safe to trust

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

being nice

“I like being nice to you, because then you keep wanting to have sex with me,” I said to my spouse, smiling. We were lying in bed mostly naked, sweetly cuddling at the end of the day.  “And you’re always being nice to me, maybe because you like to have sex with me,” I added.

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

what a sex party is for

I was thinking about what a sex party is for.  Have you attended them?  What did you like and dislike? I’ve only been to one, and I’m still feeling out how I feel about it, a month later.  At the party I realized that a sex party can meet vastly different needs for different people.

Continue Reading