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theory

blood

If you have a problem with blood, please scroll along.  I’m not into blood as part of pain play in a kink sense.  When I’m at a sex party, I eye the blood play station skeptically and don’t engage. But I’ve been menstruating for 37 years, so I’m used to this wet red.  My spouse

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theory

in the ass

“Did she fuck you in the ass?” I asked. I was in bed with my friend.  Well, we cuddled for so many hours–it was our main activity.  We were in a hotel room just the two of us, cuddling like bunnies.  Do friends behave that way? “Yeah,” she replied. “Oh god,” I moaned, repulsed. I

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theory

risk

I was wondering, “Why does it feels so important, when I want to have sex with someone?” Feels vitally important, looming so huge in my internal landscape.  My spouse is wonderful, and I have such good sex with him.  Why risk so much with a new person, just for some thrills? Of course I want

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theory

what we want vs what we say we want

I wrote about what happened last summer, when my spouse and I briefly lived on a small farm where the farmer witch wanted a sister wife.  Writing helped me realize again: there can be such a large gap between what we want vs what we say we want. sister wife How much truth will fit,

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theory

sister wife

“I realized I made a mistake, when I wrote that craigslist ad about what I was looking for,” she said.  “When I wanted someone to come to the farm.  I didn’t really need help with the farm work.  What I actually wanted was a sister wife.” We were standing in her yard, between her farmhouse

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theory

ashamed

I felt ashamed that no one wants to date me.  I made an advert on Lex and felt sad when no one responded, other than spammers.  Why the shame, I’m not sure. Rejection is embarrassing–I do have playground trauma, being perpetually chosen last for the baseball team.  Or old old danger from thousands of years

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theory

queer sex

I love queer sex, and am not keen on straight sex.  But maybe it’s a false distinction?  That’s what I’m pondering today. I think of queer sex as dynamic–it changes mid-scene and over the years creative–we have to do different things than insert a tab into a slot showing up as my whole self transformative–it

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theory

sex as validation

I’ve thought of sex as validation for much of my life.  Yes–sex as validation physically with the body.  Another person decided I am good enough to fuck.  Their body is slamming into mine in an explicit, hungry way–I know I matter to them. These intense sensations and feelings shared mean something.  To me, they mean

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unsent letter

why they broke up with you

Dear friend, this is why they broke up with you. scary That confidence that makes bosses promote you to supervisor is what makes you scary to argue with.  You hold beliefs with rigid certainty that crushes others.  Your confidence is lack of curiosity, which is chilling. Love means caring what the other person thinks and

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theory

new pants

He was wearing new pants, bright and colorful.  He bought them at an Asian import store in town, mostly Nepali, on a whim. Usually my spouse wears dude clothes, dressed as a hiker, with REI style nylon outdoorsy cargo pants and cotton tee shirts, earth tones, with hiker-style shoes.  So these bright rainbow cotton hippie

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