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theory

to pee

“What could we do, to make it easier for you to pee?” I asked my spouse. It was early morning, and we were talking about health.  I was proud of myself.  We were on a road trip, and I kept drinking water even though it meant lots of stops to pee. “Long time ago, I

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art theory

ass

“God, your ass is beautiful,” I told my spouse.  We had just had sex, then cuddled for a long time.  It was time to get up and pee, and I admired my spouse’s gorgeous naked behind.  Like art–so curvy and luscious, glowing in pale blue from the fairy lights above. “Is you ass always going

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theory unsent letter

difficult things

How many difficult things can you do in a day?  I like to do only one per day.  Then I can think about it, learn my lessons, roll it over in my mind, tell friends what I did and get their support and feedback.  Possibly recover so I can do more difficult things, other days.

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theory

jealousy

There’s one word– jealousy–but it can feel very different for me, like there should be multiple words. sad, scared jealousy Sad, scared jealousy makes me want comfort.  It makes me want a hug, and to be told I’m loved and special.  Rationally I know I’m probably ok, but my body is having a hard time

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theory

socks

“Look at my socks, and then how my shirt matches my socks.  What do you think?” He looked at my socks, and I felt appreciated. “It’s great,” my spouse said. “Do you want to mate with me now?” I asked.  “Have I proven I’m good enough for you?” “Yes,” my spouse said. “Yay!” I said,

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theory

homeless

“Can you turn here and drive back toward that gas station?” I asked my spouse.  He turned right and did as I asked.  “I saw someone homeless who looked like ______,” I said. “That person?” my spouse asked, pointing to a stranger. “No, that person,” I said.  Same tall, thin frame, pale skin, long blond

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theory

bonding cues

My intro on facebook lately is “processing bonding cues creatively while Rome burns.”  It came about when I was looking at something about autism online, months ago.  The term “bonding cues” really stood out to me. Yes, the things people do to indicate closeness or distance, privately and in a group–thrilling.  I love bonding cues. 

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theory

what I learned

I was looking through my old journal as I got ready to transition to a new journal.  I found this list of reasons not to be close to the man I loved.  Amazing, what I’ve learned.  “Wait, when did I write this?” I wondered. The part that surprised me the most was the quiet “he

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Categories
theory

being vulnerable

I like being vulnerable.  It’s my favorite thing to do.  Being vulnerable to people who don’t want that is no good.  But being vulnerable with people who want that from me and will be vulnerable in response–that’s what I live for. It’s why I write, why I love, and my whole deal.  Activism, ritual, support

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theory

rich friend

Did you ever have a rich friend who gave you money?  This happened to me.  I had a good friend who I fell in love with–she inherited a fortune out of the blue.  We had a friendship for some years.  She was brilliant, creative, beautiful–a small queer woman, fierce and challenging. We’re not friends anymore

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