I have a pocket of feelings I don’t enjoy. I visit them in an addictive way. Usually I skim the surface, but today my spouse was pulling cash from an ATM, and I was sitting alone in the car. I started talking to myself, or talking to the one I love who I should not
Before this lover I recently lost, I’m not sure I ever had avoidant sex as an adult. Definitely when I was a teenager, a series of white boys preyed on me– they were avoidant if anything. They wanted sexual pleasure then an easy exit, not to build actual relationships of balanced care. This recently lost
Dear one, Yesterday I was telling you, I want to go down on our mutual friendly acquaintance / acquaintancely friend. They’d mentioned that they weren’t going to the May Day event to work, but to get laid. “I’m not going to DJ unless someone is sucking my dick while I’m DJing,” they said. Surprised, I
content warning: This post centers the word faggot, which some find offensive. faggot My spouse and I and our homegirl were on a road trip. On the freeway, headed north–strangely, I was driving. Driving is not something I do much. A motorcycle was behind me for a long time. “Do you think it’s a pig?”
About a third of the way through having sex with my spouse yesterday, I started crying. It was such intense, beautiful sex–I didn’t want to derail it with down emotions. Crying during sex is becoming a thing, lately. I know why–it’s partly the validation need I was talking about last post. As things change in
This blurry picture was a phone accident. I saw it among my photos and laughed, then put it through a couple filters to warm and brighten. I like my spouse’s pubic hair, that dark glimpse of joy. What a pretty bush. I like the fairy lights on the side, cheerful. And I love the suggestion
I was loving someone recently who held me skillfully but sent mixed messages and did not want to do intimacy. I learned a lot. I’m sorry there’s no journey we can take together. In any kind of relationship, I need responsible, consistent, gentle, and creative love. I need to see the other person clearly and
Hello, I was thinking about ways of sexual expression without a partner. The topic came to mind because I want more solo sex and sensuality in my life. Please consider this previous post about a sex dream I had, where the neglected naked girlfriend was me. Also I was talking to a new acquaintance about
Hello, I’ve been thinking about how I really felt when my brother said I love you. There was how I thought I should feel, how other people thought I should feel, how I wished I felt, and buried underneath years of abuse and pain, how I actually felt. Takes a long time to find that
I learned a new word: Agrexophilia. It means getting off on other people knowing your sexual activities. I came upon this word while reading a list of kinks. I’d never heard it before. The definition I read mentioned agrexophilia examples of bragging about conquests, playing a homemade sex video online, and having sex in public places.