Categories
theory

sex with you

“The other people I want to have sex with, it’s based on ignorance.  I don’t know what I would find if I entered that territory.  When I want to have sex with you, I know what I’m asking for.  I want you–I love you.” I was talking to my spouse–we were in bed. “Wanting to

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theory

risk

I was wondering, “Why does it feels so important, when I want to have sex with someone?” Feels vitally important, looming so huge in my internal landscape.  My spouse is wonderful, and I have such good sex with him.  Why risk so much with a new person, just for some thrills? Of course I want

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theory

being nice

“I like being nice to you, because then you keep wanting to have sex with me,” I said to my spouse, smiling. We were lying in bed mostly naked, sweetly cuddling at the end of the day.  “And you’re always being nice to me, maybe because you like to have sex with me,” I added.

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theory

chastity belt

I was thinking about a friend I had long ago for a short time who wanted me to hold a key to his chastity belt.  He was into these devices–the kind he had was plastic–that encase a dick, and are locked with a key. Why have I never talked about this chastity belt here on

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Categories
ritual

banishment ritual

This is plans for a banishment ritual.  I loved some men, over the years. Devotion is a skill. I gave a lot, sometimes more than was best for me. Takes a while to learn the sweet spot. I have social differences, pertaining to autism. And I lacked healthy relationship role models as a kid and

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Categories
poem

craziness and consent

This poem “craziness and consent” is mostly about disability and family pain. craziness and consent does consent count how crazy is too crazy when I’m in another mood altered state another world unshared reality   my spouse tried to do it with me he takes no for an answer and never shamed me for anything

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theory

Mexican guys drinking beer

I had not been around Mexican guys drinking beer in a long time.  That’s my family, the family I don’t see anymore, since my mom died. The Mexican guys drinking beer got my feelings swirled around.  My instinct was to stay as close to my spouse as possible and pretend I didn’t understand what they

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theory

girlfriend

I have a good friend who’s been in love with a man for a long time.  She was trying to explain their relationship to me one time.  “Oh, he would have sex with me.  But I was never his girlfriend,” she said. There was bitterness in her voice.  She’d wanted to be his girlfriend–honored, treasured,

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theory

driving

I don’t normally drive, but I had to.  We were traveling through the desert, and my spouse couldn’t stay awake.  He blinked in and out of consciousness, I was driving, and I was like–why are there so many people on the road? Oh yeah–it’s Sunday afternoon.  Everyone’s going home, from their weekend travel.  I was

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Categories
ritual theory

my dad

I wanted to have a ritual to talk to my dad, who died almost five years ago, of an overdose.  He was a white guy, and at least some of my problems with white guys come from abuse from him.  White guys I love have way too much power over me, especially when I want

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