Categories
theory

girlfriend

I have a good friend who’s been in love with a man for a long time.  She was trying to explain their relationship to me one time.  “Oh, he would have sex with me.  But I was never his girlfriend,” she said. There was bitterness in her voice.  She’d wanted to be his girlfriend–honored, treasured,

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

driving

I don’t normally drive, but I had to.  We were traveling through the desert, and my spouse couldn’t stay awake.  He blinked in and out of consciousness, I was driving, and I was like–why are there so many people on the road? Oh yeah–it’s Sunday afternoon.  Everyone’s going home, from their weekend travel.  I was

Continue Reading

Categories
ritual theory

my dad

I wanted to have a ritual to talk to my dad, who died almost five years ago, of an overdose.  He was a white guy, and at least some of my problems with white guys come from abuse from him.  White guys I love have way too much power over me, especially when I want

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

edgy

“Hey, can I ask you something edgy?” I asked my spouse. “Yeah,” he said. “You know how kids are not supposed to have a sexuality?” “Yeah?” he said. “But they do, right.  But we’re supposed to kind of pretend that they don’t?” “Yeah?” “But it’s not a problem.  It’s a problem if adults hurt them,

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

trauma

stalking content warning: trauma, stalking, emotional harm from a former partner, mention of rapist I was looking at old photos and saw a pic of me and my most recent ex.  When I broke up with him, he harassed me, then briefly stalked me. I’d definitely been harassed before, but it was my first time

Continue Reading

Categories
theory

name of God

dear Name of God, I know that language is a gesture.  That “the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon.”  The moon is the moon.  And I know the word “moon” is not the moon.  I know some stuff about that, probably. God is Mystery, unspeakably, powerfully incomprehensible.  The name of God is

Continue Reading