The emotionally unavailable men I have been close to, and now an emotionally unavailable enby–it’s so painful, I show up for love and touch, and get clear messages that are lies. This beautiful, brilliant person signals to me that they care–they’re emotionally competent and responsible. Then I’m dropped afterward like a hot potato, treated like
This is plans for a banishment ritual. I loved some men, over the years. Devotion is a skill. I gave a lot, sometimes more than was best for me. Takes a while to learn the sweet spot. I have social differences, pertaining to autism. And I lacked healthy relationship role models as a kid and
Fuck you for inviting me to your bed, having a tender sexual experience with me, and rejecting me the following day. Fuck you for acting like every selfish, horny, immature boy acted toward me from the time I was age 10 to the time I was age 22. But flying across the country on an
I can only be close to people who like to communicate. I can’t afford to be abused. I’m crazy disabled and need my resources for myself. my mom didn’t form my body in her body to be harmed. my mom told me to get the fuck away from him. my body isn’t his to use.
You put all your stuff in our shed and moved away. You said you would come back in six months. I txted you as you journeyed north, and I loved you so much; I almost asked you to turn around. When that volunteer palm tree was growing next to the house too long ignored, I
Abuse can be a train wreck, or subtle, long term harm. Deep in a relationship, it can be hard to have perspective. What’s healthy? What do I deserve? What’s happy? Is life really supposed to be like this? Wow, I was out to sea so long. I forgot what happy could look like. I thought
dear Asshole Who Inspires a Hard No, You wouldn’t talk to me about difficult things when I loved you and we were close. So why do you want to talk now? Now you push me, trying to force me to engage you. It’s one more violence to the list of violences you’ve done while pretending
Someone on fetlife asked–what are the dirtiest words. I listed what I consider the dirtiest words, and hottest. no I like saying no, while my spouse fucks me, holding me down. Or while he rubs my cunt, a finger pushed between those lips and pressing my clit. Sometimes we just started, and it hurts because