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art theory

dream of the fisherman’s wife

This image, Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife by Hokusai, makes me think of a man I loved long ago.  Somehow I mentioned to him I like pictures of an octopus doing it with a person. Who wouldn’t think this was hot?  Am I a pervert?  Well, if so, yes.  I will be a pervert. This

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theory

wishing

This morning I had a headache and was hearing voices more than usual.  I was lying in bed, and I felt like I could sleep.  So I put on my cpap mask and turned onto my side, feeling cozy.  Then my mind did something I need it to stop doing.  I thought of the man

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unsent letter

fuck you

Fuck you for inviting me to your bed, having a tender sexual experience with me, and rejecting me the following day. Fuck you for acting like every selfish, horny, immature boy acted toward me from the time I was age 10 to the time I was age 22.  But flying across the country on an

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theory unsent letter

the friend

I’m 95% convinced that I need to give up the friend I loved who hurt me, the harmful house guest.  Not speaking with him for a month, I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve pondered in my own mind, written about him, and shared conversations with close friends about what happened. Mostly I accept the loss, but

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unsent letter

the real you

I always felt like the real you was deep inside you, so precious and beautiful and good.  I believed in that one. But I think I was mostly making that you up.  Maybe there are many of you.  That’s what you told me.  But I don’t want to talk to this one, in these three

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theory unsent letter

chickens

I don’t think I ever told you, my spouse, or anyone that where you live is part of what I loved about you.  Background that never gets mentioned but sets the scene for everything.  I’m crying tonight about the feral chickens I’m not going to see, the lush plants you’ll never teach me, the walks

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theory

to love

Oh hey.  I was thinking about the way I’m living to love, inter-depend, connect honestly, and be real with people.  I want to help form pockets of happiness, to help heal broken hearts and make better ways of relating, with results that reverberate out. Then people are irresponsible, cruel, disrespectful, selfish, totally into appearances, and

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theory

anger

I felt angry, which is ok–any feeling is ok with me, as long as I can feel it and move through it.  Anger tells me something is wrong–usually that I’m not getting what I need, or something wrong is happening, to me or another person. It really hurt me, to be dropped by someone I

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unsent letter

imagination

I was talking with my therapist the other day.  She said, “It’s all imagination.  You know how when you go to a place like an amusement park?  There will be one of those wooden things, painted on one side, with a hole in it, and people stick their face through it, so someone else can

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theory

what covid does to love

Sex is good for me, so good, to move toward pleasure and connection.  It’s healed me, taught me about trust, given me reasons to live.  Thank you to my sweet spouse for giving me so much sexual joy, these past many years.  Covid is a stressor, and I’m learning about covid love. steam valves Is

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