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theory

I’m dating

I’m dating, and I hate it.  I always want to skip to the middle of relationship.  It’s too scary to do this getting-to-know-you part with so much baggage activated. Yesterday I had a date with someone new who I met online: a very tall, thin, white translady.  She is 31–a few years younger than I

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theory

can I touch your balls

“Can I touch your balls, if I feel curious about them?” I asked my spouse. “Yes,” he said. I moved my hand to the sweet softness. “Can I touch your balls, if I feel affectionate toward them?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. I pet them with love. “Can I touch your balls, if I feel

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review theory

vegan cum

“Why don’t you get a vegan cock and balls, and I’ll eat the vegan cum?” I asked. My spouse was craving baked goods, so I suggested a local donut chain that used to have a cream filled donut called cock and balls.  It was funny and daring. But we live here now; I hadn’t been

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theory

sex as validation

I’ve thought of sex as validation for much of my life.  Yes–sex as validation physically with the body.  Another person decided I am good enough to fuck.  Their body is slamming into mine in an explicit, hungry way–I know I matter to them. These intense sensations and feelings shared mean something.  To me, they mean

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theory

second sex party

Thank goodness, we attended our second sex party.  This time felt different because we brought our housemate friend.  Also it felt different because it wasn’t shocking, new, and intense. the first time The first time was such a big deal, my mind was blown.  I was overwhelmed.  I’d never done anything like that, and I

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review theory

sex party

I went to my first bdsm sex party.  I went there to learn, and I did learn–more than I expected, about myself and others.  While I was there and for a day or so afterward, I felt very positive about the experience.  I was elated.  As the days pass, I feel less positive and less

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list theory

no journey

I was loving someone recently who held me skillfully but sent mixed messages and did not want to do intimacy.  I learned a lot.  I’m sorry there’s no journey we can take together.  In any kind of relationship, I need responsible, consistent, gentle, and creative love.  I need to see the other person clearly and

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theory

avoiding sex

“I haven’t thought much about those things,” the man I loved said to me.  He’d just read the long essay that’s partly why I started this blog.  It’s about sexual ethics and how I learned to love through the confusing journey of being preyed upon as a young person, healing, bdsm, sexual desire. Wow, I

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Categories
smut

something different

We did something different, which I needed.  Thank goodness for my creativity that shines out of me in many aspects. scarf “Lie on your tummy.  I’m going to touch you light touch with this scarf, then firm touch with my hands.  Then you’re going to flip over, and we’ll do your other side,” I said

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theory

how I learned about sexuality

This is how I learned about sexuality as a kid and young person. experiences of my own body–masturbation being violated being oppressed by my mom, as she tried to protect me from being violated medical cruelty movies tv shows classmates, friends books my mom’s Cosmopolitan magazines being looked at / male gaze weird comments totally

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