Categories
theory

I love you, bitch

Having sex with my spouse recently, I wanted to be called bitch a lot.  My spouse was kind to me, or mean in a round about way, speaking to me as I requested.  When he said, “I love you, bitch,” that was my favorite. Yes, I want my spouse’s love.  I want my spouse’s love

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theory

sexual preference

My spouse and I were on a long car drive, playing driving games.  Suddenly I remembered a years-forgotten game I made up when I was young.  You have to rank five things.  I asked my spouse to rank these five things by sexual preference. smacking my ass by hand smacking my ass by flogger consent-non-consent

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Categories
smut theory

masturbate

“I was thinking I might masturbate,” I told my spouse. We were in bed.  I’ve been stressed, anxious, and angry beyond what I can endure.  Flooding myself with pleasure is a way to care for myself, to push the suffering out. “Hmm, I like it when you masturbate,” he said. “Yeah!” I said.  “It’s a

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Categories
smut theory

what do you want

“What do you want?” I asked my spouse, a common post-lunch bed question. “I wanna stick my dick between your tits,” he said. “Oh, ok,” I said. usual answers It was a different answer than usual.  Often he says, “I wanna put my dick inside you,” and I ask where.  Then I give him options,

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Categories
theory

pants

“Why don’t you take your pants off?” I asked my spouse.  “They seem like they’re bothering you.  Let it all hang out.  Or at least let…a portion of it all hang out.” He had been pushing on his abdomen like it hurt.  “Ok,” he said.  He unhooked his belt.  He let his pants gape open

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theory

to tell

“Is there anything you want me to tell you?” I asked my spouse.  We were in bed naked, having sex, at the beginning part. “Is there anything you want me to tell You?” he asked, dodging the question. I smiled.  “Tell me I matter to you,” I said. “You matter to me,” he said. “Tell

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Categories
theory

bonding cues

My intro on facebook lately is “processing bonding cues creatively while Rome burns.”  It came about when I was looking at something about autism online, months ago.  The term “bonding cues” really stood out to me. Yes, the things people do to indicate closeness or distance, privately and in a group–thrilling.  I love bonding cues. 

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Categories
smut theory

what can get me off

Some examples of what can get me off–hmm, it’s embarrassing.  But here I am to do the good work of truth.  Vulnerability is my extra middle name. I wanted to talk more about what makes me horny, after that bingo card post.  Those things were pre-bed–this is more what can get me off when sex

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Categories
theory unsent letter

the friend

I’m 95% convinced that I need to give up the friend I loved who hurt me, the harmful house guest.  Not speaking with him for a month, I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve pondered in my own mind, written about him, and shared conversations with close friends about what happened. Mostly I accept the loss, but

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Categories
theory

list

We’d had a lot of conflict–the conflict was partly about language.  It definitely was conveyed in language.  I was almost out of energy, nearing the end of my day, and wanted to figure out what was best for my spouse, so I made a list. “Ok, can I tell you some ideas I have, for

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