Categories
theory

blood

If you have a problem with blood, please scroll along.  I’m not into blood as part of pain play in a kink sense.  When I’m at a sex party, I eye the blood play station skeptically and don’t engage. But I’ve been menstruating for 37 years, so I’m used to this wet red.  My spouse

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Categories
theory

sex as validation

I’ve thought of sex as validation for much of my life.  Yes–sex as validation physically with the body.  Another person decided I am good enough to fuck.  Their body is slamming into mine in an explicit, hungry way–I know I matter to them. These intense sensations and feelings shared mean something.  To me, they mean

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Categories
family

my dad’s suicide

My dad’s suicide has been fucking me in the head lately.  I’ve been thinking about death way too much.  His death–my eventual death.  My mom’s death.  My spouse’s eventual death.  I’m terrified. It makes me panic in the night, which interferes with my sleep, so then I panic more.  I hate all that. grief spiral

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Categories
smut theory

breast massage

“Thank you for that breast massage with your dick,” I said to my spouse. “Sure!” he said. We’d just shared delicious sex.  I was lying in bed as he moved about the bedroom. “It felt good for my health,” I added.  “So many ways to care for my health…” coconut oil My spouse is having

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Categories
theory

rejection and fatness

I wanted a man.  What did I want him for?  I wanted to share a significant love–I wanted to matter to him.  I wanted to do something advanced and long term.  He thought about it.  My sexual desires got mixed into all of this.  His sexual desires, not so much?  It brought up pain about

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Categories
theory

spooning

I have always liked spooning.  It’s a great form of cuddle, especially naked for lots of skin-skin contact and bonding hormones.  Feels like love.  After sex, it’s the best.  With my spouse, spooning is a favorite activity. This pic is my spouse behind me, holding onto my left breast, and my hand is on top

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Categories
smut theory

go down on me

“Will you go down on me?” I asked my spouse.  We were cuddly in bed, and I wanted his tongue on my clit, that special feeling.  It was an unusual ask.  For a long time, I didn’t want him (or anyone) to go down on me at all. “Yes,” he said. “Not for a whole

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Categories
smut theory

smells

Hello, I’ve been thinking about how my vulva smells.  The smells can be informative, appealing, embarrassing, delicious. yesterday I was lying in bed in the early morning.  My vulva felt extra wet.  Why was that?  My spouse and I had not had sex the night before. Maybe I was ovulating.  My cervix had been sore

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Categories
theory unsent letter

love is

I think love is only one thing: a gorgeous healing energy that connects us and motivates us.  It helps us know what’s important and decide what to do.  But love can take on so many forms, and I’ve been thinking about what I really want with you. options Some people who I love, I might

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Categories
list theory

to come

“I want you to come,” my spouse said.  We were in bed, naked and cuddly  It was post-lunch, and I’d just asked him what he wanted. “You don’t come as much anymore,” he added. “That’s true,” I said.  I pondered my stress level, privacy, hormone changes, grief, energy level, vulnerability, desire.  “But there are things

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