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theory

what I learned

I was looking through my old journal as I got ready to transition to a new journal.  I found this list of reasons not to be close to the man I loved.  Amazing, what I’ve learned.  “Wait, when did I write this?” I wondered. The part that surprised me the most was the quiet “he

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unsent letter

charming

Inviting vampires into the house is a bad idea, but they’re so damn charming, right?  And you didn’t know when you invited them in, of course.  The charming facilitates the harming.  We should do a fang-check at the door. This is hopefully the last unsent letter to someone charming. image credit: Jack of hearts, unchanged,

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unsent letter

dismissing the harmful

The days pass, and it’s still hard to believe that you’d come here and show me for sure that you’re not concerned about my well-being.  No big deal, to deceive and use me like a random stranger. I wouldn’t treat a stranger like that–I would treat no one like that.  Not a dog.  Not a

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Categories
list theory

abuse

Abuse can be a train wreck, or subtle, long term harm.  Deep in a relationship, it can be hard to have perspective. What’s healthy?  What do I deserve?  What’s happy?  Is life really supposed to be like this? Wow, I was out to sea so long.  I forgot what happy could look like.  I thought

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Categories
theory unsent letter

I want to matter to you

i realized the main thing i want out of sex is soul connection and validation.  my spouse and i have a deep emotional connection.  but other people, it’s not that i need the orgasm, conquest, stress relief, learning, or to feel powerful.  it’s not athletic, expected, or entertainment.  it’s if this amazing person wanted me,

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theory

trauma

stalking content warning: trauma, stalking, emotional harm from a former partner, mention of rapist I was looking at old photos and saw a pic of me and my most recent ex.  When I broke up with him, he harassed me, then briefly stalked me. I’d definitely been harassed before, but it was my first time

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