Categories
theory

tummy

I asked my spouse to photograph my tummy.  But he had to go out, so we were planning to have a photoshoot later.  But then he left, and I photographed my own tummy.  I like what I saw. My tummy is white and smooth.  Usually I see it with my breasts–they’re large, super-pretty, and steal

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theory

who is sexually attractive

If your sense of who is sexually attractive is based on advertising from when you were eight years old, it might be time to reevaluate that.  I know people who their pinnacle of sexual beauty is based on commercials they saw thirty or forty years ago. I get left out of that, since the way

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unsent letter

weird

I wrote you a letter a few days ago–trying to explain how my ACE score is 9, which gives me weird problems.  I was abused and neglected in almost all the possible ways, as a kid and teenager.  The ideas I learned about the world, and the coping strategies I developed before the age of

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theory

body

My body is always changing, as I age and my disabilities fluctuate.  But my feelings about my body change even more! I love my body for reals, hardcore, unconditionally.  My disabilities, my fatness, the strength of my legs, the beauty of my breasts, my smile, my hair.  My lovely, trustworthy vulva that gives so much

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Categories
theory

dating

I have one good friend who’s dating.  She broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago, and she’s free. She tells me about her dating experiences.  Sounds like a shitshow.  But she wants different things from what I want. fat As a fat person, I endure the pain of being mis-seen and projected upon,

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Categories
theory

freedom and self-love

My friend sent me a link to this song that made him think of me.  It summarizes ideas that I believe really hard about freedom and self-love. I love my body, and I enjoy loving my body.  Definitely I want to talk about that, on this blog and everywhere, and laugh publicly at the oppression

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unsent letter

runners

Dear one, I always thought runners were doing a sacred, mystical thing I could never understand.  Seemed so pure, or like asceticism, a hair shirt, finding enlightenment through pain. My high school best friend was a runner.  She invited me to run cross country with her–I laughed.  But I guess I’m still thinking about it.

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Categories
theory

intentional weight loss is a decoy

I have a friend I love more than just about anything.  He mentioned his dad is having health issues.  The dad asked my friend to make art that includes the dad’s weight–the number of how many pounds he weighs.  Then the dad will look at that art and use it as motivation for intentional weight

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theory

art

I made some art depicting myself, yesterday.  In the bathroom I stood naked at the mirror and drew myself with sharpie, on a piece of cardboard I’d painted lavender. The plum sharpie ink is kinda my body, and the orange is my energy.  Probably you could guess that.  Heart energy, cunt energy, tummy energy, and

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unsent letter

kindness

dear Friend, I keep thinking I’m done with the part of our relationship where I’m in love with you.  Things feel more casual.  I relax a deeper layer. “Ah, how nice–things are going in a way that makes more sense,” I tell myself.  “I’m glad things are going to get easier.” desire Then I feel

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