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unsent letter

the real you

I always felt like the real you was deep inside you, so precious and beautiful and good.  I believed in that one. But I think I was mostly making that you up.  Maybe there are many of you.  That’s what you told me.  But I don’t want to talk to this one, in these three

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unsent letter

genie

Again I was lying in bed, trying to sleep.  My mind was roaming around a lil bit, over the hills of the past.  I remembered that time we were pretending you were a genie.  Do you remember that? I can’t recall why we were pretending that.  Maybe because I said you looked like a genie

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ritual theory

my dad

I wanted to have a ritual to talk to my dad, who died almost five years ago, of an overdose.  He was a white guy, and at least some of my problems with white guys come from abuse from him.  White guys I love have way too much power over me, especially when I want

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unsent letter

weed

high I hope it’s ok to send you this art which I bought for you, a few weeks ago.  I don’t know what else to do with it.  Seems appropriate to send, in a way, since weed is what you choose instead of me. Weed symbolizes irresponsibility, to me.  I have a friend who smokes

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theory

touch addict

A whiff of laundry detergent in the airbnb bedroom made me think of my ex.  The one who read to me and was abusive.  I felt unsafe and almost dizzy with uncertainty, to smell it. There are many memories I can have, about him.  But my mind went to a memory about youth.  He used

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theory

name of God

dear Name of God, I know that language is a gesture.  That “the finger pointing at the moon is not the moon.”  The moon is the moon.  And I know the word “moon” is not the moon.  I know some stuff about that, probably. God is Mystery, unspeakably, powerfully incomprehensible.  The name of God is

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