Categories
theory

BDSM school

Someone on the fetlife facebook group asked–If you went to school for BDSM, what would you study? Sounds fun!  I wanna go to BDSM school!  I considered what topics stimulate me.  What do I ponder most often?  Then I answered: major in transcendence through ecstatic pain, minor in power. bdsm school I got a thrill

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smut theory

orgy

A good friend sent me a link to some arty sexy film stuff, made by a woman who does cam work.  Finally I clicked the link. I like how the filmmaker talks about digital identity and women’s empowerment related to persona, layers of who we are and what we present, for money. Sex work is

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theory

informant

There was a cop car, then another, and two regular cars parked between them.  We were at the park after a walk, uncomfortable.  I didn’t want to dance, with cops right there. My spouse mentioned the two regular cars were unmarked cars.  I was like–oh, I had no idea.  As we passed them, driving away,

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Categories
theory

realized lately

Here are some sex and emotion facts I’ve realized lately. body My spouse and I were at a restaurant last night, and one of the bartenders looked like P.  Similar face, whiteness, mannerisms, and thin, small body. Just the resemblance alarmed me.  Different hairstyle and tattoos, but I realized that I still love P.  I

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unsent letter

what I wish

This is what I wish the Joker of Hearts would say. dear Nest, I miss you so much and think about you every day.  Txting you was one of my favorite parts of the day.  I miss showing you pictures too, because a good plant pic or graffiti pic, I knew you would lose your

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unsent letter

dear Nest

dear Nest, I see what kindness you did.  Giving, caring, listening with your body.  Being there for someone.  Doing love as spiritual practice, steadfastly.  I admire how completely you gave.  It was rare and gorgeous. Then I admire how you pulled away, when it was too painful to maintain.  You tried many ways to adjust. 

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Categories
theory

to love

Oh hey.  I was thinking about the way I’m living to love, inter-depend, connect honestly, and be real with people.  I want to help form pockets of happiness, to help heal broken hearts and make better ways of relating, with results that reverberate out. Then people are irresponsible, cruel, disrespectful, selfish, totally into appearances, and

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unsent letter

genie

Again I was lying in bed, trying to sleep.  My mind was roaming around a lil bit, over the hills of the past.  I remembered that time we were pretending you were a genie.  Do you remember that? I can’t recall why we were pretending that.  Maybe because I said you looked like a genie

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unsent letter

garden

Dear Elsewhere Miracle, This morning, I tried to go back to sleep.  But I started thinking about you, and I missed you so much, I was crying.  I got tears all over my cpap mask, and sleep was hopeless.  Happened twice. I’ve loved a lot of people, through the years.  No lack of love, in

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Categories
theory

driving

I don’t normally drive, but I had to.  We were traveling through the desert, and my spouse couldn’t stay awake.  He blinked in and out of consciousness, I was driving, and I was like–why are there so many people on the road? Oh yeah–it’s Sunday afternoon.  Everyone’s going home, from their weekend travel.  I was

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