Yeah, tops are great. But topping is nothing without bottoming. It takes energy to receive as well as to give.
I have to be emotionally ready to be penetrated, to cum for anyone, to welcome anyone to use my body. I prepare the soil of my spirit for an important experience. And I need time afterward to feel it out, as well as aftercare. Otherwise I get over-saturated.
Accepting is a lot of work.
small argument
This is in reference to a conversation we had in San Francisco about bottoming, a small argument we got into as you drove on a steep road. My feelings flared.
Like many of our conflicts, we hushed it before we got to its center. I think we startle ourselves and back off.
But I would rather find the whole issue and unfurl it, safely exploring the entirety of where we disagree. I hope with more time, we’ll trust each other and ourselves enough to go deep. Conflict is rich, and I’m ready to be real with you.
Preserving relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict–it’s about staying respectful, right? I want to live in community with you. I want to tell you the whole truth, even when it’s hard.
A risk is that you’ll feel pressure to conform to my opinion, or I’ll feel pressure to conform to yours. But with time we can let go of that fear, grounded and centered in who we are separately.
Another risk is exhaustion. You need a lot of fun to fuel you. I’m sorry I can be so serious.
justice
If there’s a top shortage, you are in demand–I’m glad for you. But when you said something dismissive about bottoms, that didn’t feel like justice.
The person who has less power should be honored and held as sacred. Thank you for being kind to me over the years.
I was a full on bottom last summer, having never entered anyone’s ass, and entering no one’s vulva but my own for decades. I hadn’t dominated anyone yet except in a novel, experimental way.
These days, switching versely is part of who I am. But back then, it felt like you were picking on people who take up less space. It was just a tiny moment. Maybe you were joking or I misunderstood.
love
I’m proud of you for being a dom service top. But I’m proud of me also. I love the bottoms, and I love bottoming. Anyone who’s being real about who they are is my hero.
I’m doing it with love, or I’m not doing it at all.
questions for discussion
Why is there a top shortage?
Is bottoming difficult for you?
Who are you safe to have conflict with?
How do we get conflict skills? (I’m thinking practice and maybe seeing others do it well.)
What ratio of drama to pleasure do you need for a happy relationship?
What do you most need sexually these days?
