Lately I’ve been feeling lonely. It’s a social sadness in my body, mostly related to missing my mom. I’m sad missing my extended family of origin. Sex is definitely comforting, meeting a different social need. My spouse and I did a Valentine’s Day photo shoot, and I like the nsfw photos.
celebrate
Yes, it was the morning of Valentine’s Day. For some reason, we were celebrating it. Usually we skip Valentine’s Day in favor of our anniversary. But I wanted to give cards.
Early in the morning, my spouse and I had sex, and I was pleased to be thoroughly fucked. But then my spouse needed to use the bathroom and take a shower, so our scene was interrupted.
Trying to transition back to sex for a part two, I asked if we could do a photo shoot, and if my spouse would hit me. I asked them to hand me my dark red lacy shirt as a prop.
I used the shirt to cover part of my tummy. The light was pink, and the sheet we have on the bed is pink. I liked the result.
nsfw
Looking at the photos afterward, I find myself beautiful. Actually to the point of hot.
I know I’m supposed to hate fat and hate myself, according to everything my culture taught me. But the truth is, my ample ass, disturbingly forward tits, and wide thighs are gorgeous.
I thought about gender. Dark red lace feels femme. Who am I, these days? Worrying about it feels silly. Whoever shows up is allowed. Yes, I’m non-binary, but I’m also fluid. Non-binary can be many things. I like the short hair juxtaposed with the frill. My mustache is invited also.
This other picture, the light feels different. It features the hugeness of my tummy–same reaction. I can’t see my body as anything other than gorgeous.
Have I graduated to self-love? Maybe it’s been so many years of working on it that I’ve finally arrived. Avoiding all mainstream movies and tv helps. Speaking kindly to myself is important too, and only having sex with people who understand who I am. I love myself unconditionally–it’s a spiritual practice.
No longer do I need to psych myself out. Truly, honestly, that big tummy is valid and desirable to me.
I feel adoration and compassion for the tummy I used to hate and wish was gone. My soul lives in there. My tummy has my stomach inside and the fire of my metabolism. Burning the food I eat as fuel, this sacred furnace gives me energy and helps me love. There is nothing wrong with me.
nsfw
“Not safe for work” depends on the workplace. I’m working on telling the truth. Thank you for showing up with me, kind coworker.
