Categories
theory

things to do at a sex club

There are so many things to do at a sex club.  My spouse and I were out of town, visiting the city, eating Thai food for lunch with an old friend.  I mentioned that night we might go to a sex club we’d never been to before.  Actually I mentioned it by name–my friend seemed to know it.

“Have you been there?” I asked my friend.

“No,” he said, amused.  “I’ve heard of it.”

He’s my only friend I still talk to from high school, an ostensibly cis-het white man.  When we were teenagers, he was fundamentalist Christian, and I was a queer witch.

These days he’s without religion, while I’m deeply interfaith, one of the most religious people I know.  In fact, sex and kink are part of my witchery, the most holy things I do.

kink

I don’t think of the place as a sex club –I think of it as a kink venue or some unknown space to try.  Maybe a dungeon?

When our friend referred to it as a sex club, I wondered if the term was an admonishment.  Does he judge us for depravity?

“He’s probably jealous,” is my go-to explanation for judgement.  My friend is an accountant and a musician.  I wonder if he has all the freedom he needs.  Who knows–different people are happy within various limits.

I’m not opposed to calling things as they are.  Words like queer, fat, and crazy are comfortable for me, but not for everyone.  Yes, let’s call it what it is.

freedom

I love places that have rules different from the usual.  Regular life is a social drain; norms are hard for me to keep up with.  Places where I can be myself are a relief.  I love to take off my shirt.  There’s a nude river beach north of that city that I want to visit too.

I wish we had more freedom in everyday life.  People look at me weird when I’m stimming sometimes.  I’m just taking care of myself.  A middle aged fat person repetitively moving about doesn’t need to alarm you.  I’m happy and not going to harm anyone.

As I get older, I’m annoyed at needing to find a bathroom to pee.  I hate that culture decided I need to hide myself for that activity.  Puritanical throwbacks bother me.  I’ve never had a baby to breastfeed, but cultural pain is harmful to parents who feel pressure to hide that away too.  Life is so hard already.

cyberpunk

The theme of the night was cyberpunk.

“I don’t have a good costume,” I said.

“Your swirly lavender shirt would work as a costume for almost anything,” my spouse said.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right!” I said.  “But it would be too hot.  I guess if I wore just that swirly lavender shirt.”

My old friend laughed.

“When I wear that shirt I look like a lesbian pimp,” I said.  “In a good way.”

things to do at a sex club

There are so many things to do at a sex club besides kink with strangers.  There’s music–my main intention was to dance.  Maybe this list could be a  range.

  • observe the scene, feel the vibe
  • dance
  • dance with not much clothing on
  • watch people have sex in a detached, casual way
  • watch people have sex and get off on it
  • have sex / kink with the lover I showed up with
  • have sex / kink with someone I met there
  • sex / kink with multiple strangers

It’s a different energy to be around people who are in extreme states.  Sex and kink are my favorite extreme states.  I need aftercare afterward and to be completely honest with myself about the feelings.  Did it seem responsible?  What parts were fun, and what parts did I not actually like?

Some activities feel good in the moment, but a few days later I have a different perspective.   It can go the opposite way also.  An activity can feel partly wrong.  But a couple days later when my mood has shifted, I realize an aspect that was obscured to me at the time, and I feel better about what happened with new understanding.

Telling the truth to myself about what I need in a scene and at a venue is the only way I know what to do next time.  I like incorporating my experiences and connecting the dots of what I freshly learned with what I already know.

pleasure

I’m creating a life of pleasure where what I do is aligned with what I want, not what I’m told to want or what someone else wants for me.

  • What life are you making?
  • Where do you find your choicest pleasures?
  • What social rules are difficult for you to follow?
  • Are you good at costumes?
  • Do you judge people who enjoy different pleasures and learning experiences than you enjoy?
  • What matters most to you these days?

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *