I didn’t know it was possible. But let me tell you how my mind was blown by getting fucked with my own dick.
Recently I bought a harness and dildo, which changed my life. Suddenly my gender is affirmed, and I feel a whole new form of freedom. Please see my previous post about what I learned from having my own dick, if you haven’t already.
request
I was having sex with my spouse, first cuddly and sweet. Then they fucked me with their dick in my cunt. It was thorough–I felt so well-used and loved. They ejaculated deep into me, but I wanted more.
“Would you wear my strap and fuck me again?” I asked.
My spouse was initially confused, then understood what I was asking for.
“Yes,” they said.
They wiped their dick off, climbed into my harness, nestled my purple dildo into place, and positioned themself to fuck me in the cunt.
“Please go slowly,” I said.
I was slightly afraid. True I have invaginated a vibrator or two in my time. But it had been more than 12 years since I had been fucked by anything other than my spouse’s dick, with an actual thrusting motion, powered by the muscles of ass, thighs, back, and hips.
penetration
Slowly my spouse pushed the head of my dick between my cunt lips and found my hole. Slowly they eased into me.
I was shocked at how different it felt, to be penetrated by this long, narrow dick. My spouse was cautious and didn’t give me the full length at first.
I know size matters. But I thought a dick was a dick, sort of. I had no idea the generous girth of my spouse’s dick is part of what I most enjoy about them filling me.
“How do you like being sloppy seconds to yourself?” I asked.
We didn’t need lube because my cunt was wetly squishy with all my own arousal plus a full load of semen.
My spouse laughed. Usually I don’t hear a full on laugh from my spouse while we’re having sex, so I was happy to inspire something new.
more
I think a lot about sloppy seconds, as often my spouse fucks me and cums when I’m just getting warmed up. Often I dream up a second person who can show up to fuck me more, engage me meaningfully, and let me cum on their dick.
Or if someone else could get me used to the idea, and my spouse could then bat second, so I could cum on their dick. Yes, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.
As I lay back and pushed up, accepting my own dick, I witnessed my spouse get used to how it felt to use a dick beside their own and trust the harness.
sensation
Then I lost my everyday consciousness, and my life became sexual desire, sexual pleasure, and sensation of being railed by someone I completely trust.
But newly I wasn’t obsessed with how the dicked person was doing. Of course I’m always concerned that my spouse is enjoying the experience and not in pain. But for the first time, I was being fucked and not worrying about the pleasure of the dicked person, trying to make sure they were happy and would maintain their erection so I could keep enjoying the experience of being fucked.
Wow! It was the first time in my life that I was ever being fucked without centering the experience of the person fucking me. It was my first time being fucked with a strap. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I centered my own pleasure.
dreamy
I asked my spouse to fuck me faster, and a vibrator was stimulating my clit. The speed of my spouse’s thrusts and the narrowness of the dick, it didn’t feel like my spouse fucking me at all. It reminded me of my distant past when I was a teenage girl (or trying to be a girl), being fucked by a teenage boy who was thin, energetic, and in a hurry.
In a hazy way, I half-believed I was being fucked by a dreamy thin, energetic, narrow-dicked person and wanted that more than anything as I worked toward my orgasm, unconcerned about my spouse’s needs. My head knew the person between my legs was my spouse. But my head lost its role of control, as my body took over completely.
As I began to cum, I was sobbing. The cries of grief and pleasure were one and the same. The person holding me became my spouse again, with beautiful light brown shoulders, pretty hair, and such a delicious smell.
I was overwhelmed. My spouse was gentle and kind to me as I slowly returned to the regular world.
feelings
Sex is an altered state to feel big feelings. My experience had been like a PTSD flashback, but not bad. Being fucked by my own dick, I learned something amazing: I had no idea I’d been centering the feelings and well-being of the dick-haver all my life. Makes sense that I would, considering my history and support-oriented mindset.
I believe I’m rather liberated. Then another wall falls down with a thud. I’m grateful for all this learning because as I change, I heal.
lessons learned
I can ask my spouse to fuck me with my own dick.
Dicks feel super different from one another, in my hole.
I want a thicker dildo to use in my strap.
I need to practice centering my own pleasure–in bed and in all sorts of ways.
It’s time to heal.
