sex notes

These sex notes are for my spouse– things I’ve noticed, felt, and wanted lately.

sex notes

Dear lover,

Yesterday when we had sex, I thought maybe when you were fucking me, I could have cum a second time.  The vibrator was still on my clit, and I rode out that intense orgasm which made me afraid of getting in trouble with the neighbors.  So difficult not to full on howl.

Then you were fucking me longer–another orgasm seemed possible.  But my body can only do sex for so long, especially that position.  It would help to have pillows arranged to support my legs better, and pillows for my shoulders also.

The transition from other kinds of sex into missionary feels rushed.  I wish you were more spry.  I wish we had a sex assistant for disabled people who could move the pillows in place.  But of course that would bring its own problems.

It might make more sense to have a smaller vibrator for my clit for when you’re fucking me, but I don’t know how it could stay in place well.  The large vibrator we have now, at least I can use my left hand to hold it in place.  But in the moment when I’m no longer holding it, when things get most intense, the handle part pushes into my abdomen uncomfortably.

It’s worth it, to cum on your dick.  But I wish we could find a better way.

breasts

Yes, it feels great when you are gentle with me at first.  For some reason, it hurts if I’m not really aroused.  But there are different sensations, when my nipples are soft, and I like those too.  I feel like some kind of pink flower goddess or gentle wood nymph.

There are ways I touch myself that no one else touches me.  I wish you could learn those ways.  I wish you could learn to see my breasts anew.  Seems like you see my breasts as luscious and arousing, and I like how you want me.

But you go for the nipples so fast, and stay there.  When I want to cum, that helps.  But I wish there was more nuance and variety to how you touch my tits.

You seem to believe you know them completely.  But there are mysteries you might not yet comprehend.  I wish you could approach me as a new person, and re-meet me as I am.

It’s been a long time since we met.  I truly am a new person now, middle aged and increasingly nonbinary.  Please remove the layers of what you’ve experienced with me and projected onto me.  Can we do ritual about it?  The past is real, but my vividness in the present is realer.

appreciation

Thank you for being so sexually available to me, yet accepting that I am not always sexually available to you.  Thank you for knowing me deeply, body and soul.

I love how you show up for me.  Your unconditional love is amazing.  Your unconditional desire for me is too.  Thank you for being there for me completely.  As we age, I like us more and more.  If your dick works differently, that’s fine–there are 100 things we can do in bed.

I want to be with you all my life.  I appreciate you like none other.  When I’m hurting and parts of my life feel wrong, I love how sex with you is always right.  Your body heals me.  Your love heals me.

I’m sorry if I take you for granted.  I’m sorry you have to listen to me as I cry, heartbroken about others.  You’re the one I come home to and want to always come home to.  Thank you for the gentle way you hold me and deeply respect my freedom.  I want to be that good to you.

Thank you for reading these sex notes and caring how I feel.

I love you always,

Nest