I have a new sound recording up. I was masturbating as my spouse went down on my breasts–it’s nine minutes. My long orgasm is strange and good.
https://freesound.org/people/nestvalorfixer/sounds/751155/
I listened to the recording this afternoon while I was masturbating in bed alone. I hadn’t heard it in a while. The recording kept me company and might have contributed to some horniness? But mostly I giggled and marveled at the weird sounds that come out of me.
moaning
A stereotypical sex sound is moaning. But there’s not much moaning on this recording. The sounds I hear are
- breathing
- wet squishy rubbing sound
- whimpering
- growling just a little bit
- “fuck” a couple times
- crying
The biggest sounds at orgasm are the crying sounds. Wow, full on sobbing. Sometimes I sound sort of like a baby. Strange to hear a grown adult crying with that gaspy, squeaky wail.
But I don’t make up the rules. I don’t choose what I’m going through emotionally during sex or really at any time. No actual tears were dripping from my eyes, that I recall. It’s a heaving release.
get real
All kinds of release in this world. Sex is often creating a problem (intense arousal), then solving it (with friction then orgasm). Sex is an altered state we invite. Sort of like doing drugs–sex is free drugs.
For many people sex is probably the only way they’re genuine, any given day.
- What do I really feel?
- What am I actually wanting?
Sex is one of the few ways people get real. In the middle of a long orgasm, control is sidelined if not lost.
I hope in a year, in two years, and indefinitely for the rest of my life, my feelings will change. My orgasms will change also, what I’m processing, and how I react to my own body’s emergencies. I set my life on fire then put the fire out, over and over again.
trauma
Sex is my main way of processing my reality. I write a lot, I dream, and I make art. But sex is like a test of my mental state. I must admit I’m working on old trauma.
Lately I need to lose it like an infant. Yes, I’ve been trying to give the needy baby, inner child Nest a voice. She can sing her truth when I’m cumming. Why not. If sex is the time I give myself full permission to feel how I’m feeling, anything could happen.
