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theory unsent letter

the erotic

Dear friend, I was thinking about something you mentioned regretting.  I’m sorry it hurts to hurt another person.  I wanted to tell you: the erotic is fueled by the tension between what’s real and what’s not real.  The tension creates an energy.  It’s ok to be wrong during sex, as long as it’s consensual.

Exploring inner territory is an important part of staying alive and figuring out who we might be.  Sex is a place where we try things out.

  • pretending
  • playing
  • experimenting
  • exaggerating
  • exercising new parts of ourselves
  • exercising parts newly discovered

Hopefully we’re always changing.

We can gently, skillfully, sometimes accidentally change others also, as we collaborate during sex.  We stir the fire of someone’s being, and new sparks pop out.

vibrant

I’m sorry you felt guilty for a mistake you made during sex pertaining to a partner’s gender.  It makes sense to me since the erotic is fueled by the tension between what’s real and what’s not real.  Vibrant, creative sex takes risks; that means there will be mistakes.  Making mistakes is great because it means you’re trying and learning.

I’m proud of you for making mistakes and staying in motion.  I hope I’m constantly learning and making mistakes in sex and in all aspects of life.

Maybe the partner you made a mistake with learned something important as you made that mistake.  Maybe the significance was immediate, or will change their life later in some splendid way.

Audre Lorde

The great Black queer writer and intellectual Audre Lorde talked about the erotic as a source of power.  The spark of authenticity and life that fuels everything.

That makes sense to me considering how my queer trans spirituality is part of everything I do.  Desire and pleasure motivate me in every way, including activism and writing.

I love how Audre Lorde talks about feelings as knowledge.  Her statements about gender can seem old fashioned sometimes, but I look for the seed of truth inside her ideas.  I see through the problematic parts and translate it into something that makes sense to me today.

For example, I’m not a woman, but I am dangerous.  I used to think I was a woman, and most people probably still do.

Desire is important.  I love our life-force.  She says good things about work, standards, and sex too.

bottom line

I love you and respect what you do.  I respect the erotic in you.  Truly I love all of you, even the aspects that are unknown to me.

yours always

Nest

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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