My spouse and I went to a hot springs, and it was my first time in a clothing optional space. Well, the sex parties we enjoy are clothing optional. But this was more nudity and felt different.
Strangely, it felt sexier at the hot springs than the sex parties.–at least our first visit on a Friday morning. There was more tension of tamped down desire and body display, subtle or not.
When we returned the following Monday, I learned even more. Important topics were gayness, gender, entitlement, age, and vulnerability.
gay
Our first time, the gay men seemed to rule the place. In a way it was nice to be irrelevant to their world. There was a gay man world layer to everything, and then the rest of us. The gay men ignored me, and that was nice.
A thin, naked white guy lying on a bench in the sun is not that pretty to me, honestly. Yes, he is the standard person, according to my culture. But he doesn’t interest me. When I like men, it’s usually a mistake. Enbies and women are my people.
I did get tired of seeing so much unexpected dick. My eyes can’t ignore it. I would startle-jump inside. Unexpected dick is a big deal, even limp. Maybe after some weeks or months, I would get more used to that.
nature
The nature is beautiful there at the hot springs. Many birds were playing, chirping, darting around, and pooping into the large pool. The poop in the water grossed me out. But the plants are beautiful. The place has a vibe of oasis: vines, fragrant flowers, and opulence.
Yes, but look closer, and there was construction going on. The shower I used before entering the hot springs water was in a trailer. From time to time, a loud saw would squeal.
It made me nervous that the guests were walking around bare footed, while hot springs workers and contracted construction workers were walking around in shoes and boots. You know the shoed people could be shifting bits of glass around, which could endanger everyone else’s feet.
Do I worry too much? Yes, or more like I can see the future. I’m holding on to a ridiculous amount of details as well as the bigger picture. See: autism. My head’s full of stuff I can’t stop tracking even if I want to.
And how did the construction workers feel about doing their normal work around a bunch of naked people? I got the feeling it was weird for them the first couple days, then no big deal. Did their spouses / girlfriends feel jealous about the nudity?
feelings
What about the hot springs guests like me? Did I feel jealous my spouse was seeing a lot of naked people?
No, my spouse is a free person. At least I wish him to be. True he considers me a great deal in his choices.
Also, bodies are normal. Bodies are life. That we usually cover them in clothes doesn’t negate them. My spouse and I are both demi-sexual: I can enjoy a body if that pleasure is offered to me as part of a relationship. Otherwise, I see other people’s bodies as mostly neutral and not my business.
Instinctively, I react to a curvy lady. Breasts, hips, and ass of strangers can excite me a lil bit. Naked dudes I don’t know are off-putting: the opposite of attractive. Naked women are sometimes appealing, but not there for me to ogle unless I’m invited to. Respectful distance is basic.
As for enbies, that’s a whole other story.
content warning: brief non-graphic mention of sexual assault
What are breasts for? Some think they’re to ejaculate on; some think they’re to feed babies and children. My breasts are mine– a valid part of my body like any other, but soft and full of love. They have special connotation and nerve endings.
They also tempt others, in good and bad ways. When I was a kid, nasty grown men endangered me as they used me for my breasts. But my breasts are innocent.
the hot springs
I am nurtured by spending time in spaces with different norms from regular society. More and more, I need to explore provocative ways of being in creative places. I’m grateful my spouse and closest friends support me in these adventures.
I want more nudity in my life and sexy possibility. Not necessarily Bacchanalian. But a part of me that was long-neglected needs exercise.
Also the water is healing. It’s summer now. In the fall, I’ll be more ready to enter the warm water.
