“Can I touch your balls, if I feel curious about them?” I asked my spouse.
“Yes,” he said.
I moved my hand to the sweet softness.
“Can I touch your balls, if I feel affectionate toward them?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
I pet them with love.
“Can I touch your balls, if I feel amorous toward them?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
I longed for them even as I had them.
“Can I touch your balls, if I feel possessive of them?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“I’ve got you by the cojones,” I said.
My hand cradled his balls and squeezed.
balls
I’ve thought a lot about balls as symbolic. I don’t have any balls–I was born with different equipment. But I’m brave, as my last name implies–Valorfixer. Are balls made of bravery?
When I was a kid and didn’t know certain things about gender, I believed boys have dick and balls packages, and girls have vulvas, uterus, etc. I thought the parts make the gender.
So much I needed to learn. But some people never learn, right? They stay stuck their whole lives.
I’m glad I learned eventually–any person of any gender can have any parts. But when I was a kid, thinking about balls as the location of bravery, that didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to be denied bravery.
So I said I have ovaries, which hold my bravery. I used the correlated body part, as if my body’s purposes were defined by the bodies of cis men.
Nope. Cis men’s bodies aren’t the norm. I’m not the deviation. My body is valid and complete As Is. I’m not in reaction to anything–I’m myself.
love
Not sure where I keep my bravery, other than my entire self. My heart–my spine? Maybe my throat and lungs, especially when I speak truth to power. My vulva for sure.
I store a lot of love in my breasts. Love is the bravest thing I do. When I love, deciding to honor and give of myself to another person, with all their faults and needs and history, I risk so much.
But I keep doing that, over and over. So glad I’m able love, strongly, when many people don’t know how.
thank you
I’m grateful that when I ask, “Can I touch your balls?” my spouse always says yes. He wants touch, love, connection, and vulnerability as much as I do. I hit the jackpot.
What do you think he stores in his balls, those two bags of wonder? Is it bravery?
It could be bravery. It could be sperm. Literally it’s mostly sperm, right?
It could be honey. Maybe it’s light. Maybe it’s love that I suck out or otherwise enjoy ejaculated into me or onto me. What about kindness? How about amrita or some other immortality elixir of life.
Maybe it’s his soul he shares with me. Maybe it’s a magic I will never understand. But it’s been more than 12 years, I’ve been friends with this amazing person and his body. I still have a lot to learn.
