When you have a crush on someone, what makes the spark?  Where does the crush come from?

There’s chemistry–it’s not just liking someone.  Friendship is everywhere, but a crush is different.  There’s a mysterious combination of factors.  I get excited, then hormones take over.  My body trusts another person, whether it’s actually safe to trust them or not.

It would all be nonsense, except for the spark.  I mean that I can see a future somehow, together.  Yes, potential is there.  I’m not making up that there’s something.

But will we fan the flame, or will we let it die?  Not all crushes should be acted upon.  Problems can make the spark irrelevant.


I fanned so many spark-flames that really did not deserve the attention.  A clueless dude, usually, would enjoy my attraction as I fanned and fanned.  Some people get off on that.

You can’t make someone love you.  I don’t want to waste my life ever again, chasing anyone.  These days I want to take all mixed messages as a no.  If someone doesn’t want to pursue me, I let them go.

But it’s hard when I live with someone who I wanted to share my body with and take into my family.  I have to keep seeing a person who rejected me, or played with me for a while as they thought about what they wanted.


Long ago when I was a teenager, I read a book about some hippies in a commune in Canada.  It was so cold there in the winters that if the fire went out at night, they would just die.  Wow–I was amazed by the climate and by the idea of intentional community.  It was my introduction to the concept; I was thrilled by the whole idea.

Yes, I could live in a group with other weirdos.  We could make our own family.  Sounded amazing.

In the book there was this couple–man and woman.  They were older and had some power in the community.  But there was another lady there who had been considered as partner to the dude also.  Like he got together with both ladies at the same time, then had to choose.  The un-chosen lady was still living there in community, unpartnered and bitter.

I’m thankful that this book foreshadowed my life to come.  Community is drama, for sure.  I’m the chosen lady, the unchosen lady, the powerful dude, the land, the danger, comfort by the fire, and the hot time traveling alien.


So much happens between people who live together.  A full range of social experiences under one roof.  Are you ready to show up for all this?

  • love
  • sexual desire
  • betrayal
  • interpersonal violence
  • annoyance
  • illness
  • deceit
  • rejection
  • kindness
  • alliances I could never predict
  • power plays
  • quiet pain
  • fun
  • support
  • learning
  • delicious foods
  • shared gardens
  • hair in the shower
  • cleaning up other people’s messes, figurative and literal

Today the good of community still outweighs the bad.  Tomorrow, who knows.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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