what a sex party is for

I was thinking about what a sex party is for.  Have you attended them?  What did you like and dislike?

I’ve only been to one, and I’m still feeling out how I feel about it, a month later.  At the party I realized that a sex party can meet vastly different needs for different people.


I need places to visit with different rules from the norm, and that’s something a sex party is good for.  Regular life is so narrow in what’s allowed.  Sex parties are great for being differently permissive.

If I had my way, people in all circumstances would be freer.  Free to stim, dress wildly, look weird, talk differently, ask more questions, and be way more creative.  Creativity is true to who I am, so it’s more relaxing.

Being confined to normal ways of being stresses me out.  Part of my difficulty with being social and being in public is how hard I have to restrain myself from what comes naturally.  I’m masking constantly, which means I’m repressing myself.

My reactions to the world are not within usual parameters.  But I feel a lot of pressure to perform them that way, due to oppressive allistic culture.


In my long post about the first sex party I attended, I mention that it’s good to know your goal.

My goal was learning.  I wanted to see if this space was possible for me to enjoy.  Parties in general are stressful, but a sex party is specialized.  I thought the way it’s more specific might be easier.  I learned about noise level, other sensory challenges, the vibe emotionally, and how a sex party can feel to me spiritually–at the time and afterward.

My spouse’s goal was to support me.  He wanted to keep a low profile, as he wasn’t there to extend himself, but to bodyguard me and hold my hand.  That was very kind of him.  When a stranger looked at him in a lustful way, he was alarmed, as he was not there to be lusted after.

The whole experience was material to ponder later.  I’m grateful for new things to think about.

wolf etc

I saw a young dude-appearing person who wore a green wristband and was circling the barn over and over.  He seemed like a lone wolf checking out the scene, hoping to get laid.  According to him, sex with a hot stranger is what a sex party is for.

I saw a white couple dressed in western wear, walking around the barn, gawking.  Then I saw a different couple matching the same description.  Each lady was very thin, wearing tight clothes, and each man was thin also, wearing a cowboy hat.  They seemed uncomfortable, and the clothes they wore suggested sexual tourism, rather than desire to play along.  They seemed almost like they were attending on a dare.

Some folks were getting off on being beaten publicly, some were enjoying friendship, some were into gear and seemed happy with their whip collections.  Yes, many different ideas of what a sex party is for.


What would you attend for, reader?  I learned a lot.  But my life goal is about love.  I didn’t find love there.

Or I had love by my side the whole time, in the form of my spouse.  It’s fun to see him and myself in different contexts.  Maybe new context is what a sex part is for.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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