I wanted you to fuck the safety into me.
I wanted your hands on me for a much longer time.
I wanted to matter to your body.
I wanted your unique intelligence
up in my unique intelligence.
I wanted to see how being close to you
would change me.
I wanted someone to collaborate with sexually
who has different disabilities than my spouse’s.
I wanted to completely rest
with a new person who might
hold my anxiety for a moment so I didn’t have to.
I wanted to matter to your spirit.
I wanted to matter to your dick.
I wanted your balls to find me
a wick place to put your semen.
I wanted to kindle a Nest-specific energy
that would nourish you
in a small way you might need.
I wanted you to be a person who realized my worth.
I wanted to create a small culture with you
and learn its language.
I realized it couldn’t last, but I wanted to try.
I thought you would be worth the inevitable heartbreak.
I wanted another being to completely open to.
I wanted you to nourish me
toward the unexpected.
I wanted to tell you the whole truth.
I wanted to come around your dick
and tell you the whole truth with my body.
I wanted you to touch the fat on the upper part of my ass
and keep going.
I wanted to learn more about
who I am in your bed.
I wanted just a little place in your life.
I didn’t want anyone to know you were welcoming me
beyond who needed to know.
I wanted you to fuck the safety into me,
but I understand now
I create my own vajra healing.
I wanted a long, strange journey.
I’m sorry you never welcomed me in.
One reply on “safety into me”
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