this body

Hello, I notice you emotionally checked out. Your silence feels like abandonment of this body. Is that what you want?

You will be there for me when I’m right in front of you crying.  But the Nest that felt those feelings is still here. Do you care about this body and person who is me? I don’t understand how your care can feel so real, and then two days later it’s like I’m dust.

I see you going through life prioritizing interactions with people elsewhere, not even asking me a basic how I am, let alone being there for me in a significant way.  Sweetheart, I wanted to do something significant.

Before, I gave you a list of ways to reassure me and help me feel safe emotionally. You aren’t choosing to. Do you recognize that I matter and my well-being could be helpful to me, you, the house, the world?

There are so many reasons to care. Your priorities are fucked / self-defeating. I’m confused that you can be there for me, and then so quickly vanished like nothing ever happened.

red cushion on the floor

I asked you to make a place for me in your life.  A dimly lit red cushion on the floor where you would welcome me.  I wouldn’t need a whole lot or a place in your bed.  If even asking is too much, I can’t keep showing up to perform miracles.

Being loved by a love goddess is special.  Sort of like being mothered by a Mother Goddess, which I experienced.  I notice you don’t want the remarkable.  Your life must be how you want it.  I’m shrugging with disapproval.

This feeling of being dropped is too painful. The deep welcome I wish for is vapor.  Is this really what you want?  Please let me know then.  Am I misunderstanding or missing a piece?

help

Please help me.  You could help people with tech, organize a pantry, plan about a property. Could you help me with my feelings? Are my feelings not real to you or not mattering? Do I matter to you at all?

It’s ok if I don’t, but confusing because I could have sworn it was real.