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I need aftercare

I need aftercare.  Lately I’ve been hurting about how different I feel, and alone in my difference.  When something big happens, I have a huge reaction.  So I need some contact and reassurance later and the next day.  My needs are reasonable.

What do you think love is?  Abandoning someone you were just tender with is not love.  I’m not independent and don’t aspire to be.  Independence is a lie.  I hear it most lauded by the people who do it least.

In my own family of origin, my dad pretended to be a big strong man.  But he was destroyed by his addictions and dependent on my mom for his entire emotional life.  His machismo was a joke.  I’m glad I saw that at some point and realized how my mom was carrying him while pretending he was carrying her.

Anyone can enjoy excitement in a moment.  But there’s the whole rest of my life too.  I experience something with another person, then experience it through memory countless more times, often when I’m alone.

Helping another person feel safe is sacred.  Why is that too much?

baby

I feel a lot, and I don’t want to be dropped on my head.  I’m sorry I’m a needy baby.  Yes, I am all my ages.  I need love for all of me, not just a mature, with it, ok-seeming adult lady.

Inside, I am not always ok.  I am not low-needs.  Seriously, I have all the needs.

If that’s confusing, you’re not seeing me clearly.  I seem confident because I have total faith in Parent Earth, my ancestors, myself, and my projects.  That doesn’t mean I don’t need people.

To the contrary.  I’m strong enough to reach out and take risks.  I need other people to reach back and want to do love with me.  I’m strong enough to need, and I won’t hide that anymore.

love

I need aftercare as a type of love.  Did something intense happen?  Yes, definitely.

Not checking in to get feedback and offer reassurance feels like gaslighting.  Ideally, you would want to make sure the other person is ok.  Wasn’t your goal to do ok-ness together?  The other person is pretending something real was not real.  Out of sight, out of mind.

It’s destabilizing–I get all emotionally tied in knots, and I lose my intuition.  That feeling that my intuition is wrong is terrifying.  If I can’t trust my own intuition, what can I trust?

Then I retreat, because I don’t feel good around other people.  I decide I’m wrong and bad for feeling, needing, and being who I am.  That’s not the Nest I want to listen to.  It’s not a good path.

Skillful aftercare can prevent a bunch of pain and fear.  Getting just a few moments of help can change everything.  If you don’t want to do it, don’t agree to.

oops

This post brought to you by sub drop.  I need aftercare–anything to help with the chemical crash.

Having needs doesn’t make me unreasonable–it makes me human.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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