Hello, I was thinking about ways of sexual expression without a partner. The topic came to mind because I want more solo sex and sensuality in my life. Please consider this previous post about a sex dream I had, where the neglected naked girlfriend was me.
Also I was talking to a new acquaintance about sex with MEcfs, which is a very disabling illness of pain and low energy.
Yes, it can be tough. Hard to find a partner who wants something so outside of what society tells us relationship looks like. It’s one thing to get very disabled and see if your current partner(s) stay with you. Then it’s another to attract new partners while having a disability.
stuck in ableism
So many people are stuck in ableism. There is deep disrespect built into our culture, that abled is better. That along with tons of misinformation means very few people are up on disability–even what it is and isn’t. Let alone doing disability justice at the level we need.
That there are so many kinds of disability further complicates it. Mobility aids like wheelchairs, walkers, and crutches are one thing. Blindness is another. Deafness, epilepsy, TBI, paralysis. So many less common ones too.
Even mental health, neurodivergent, and learning disabilities can manifest so many ways. And certain combinations of disabilities–the sum can be greater than the parts. Certain combinations become super-disabilities with even more restrictions.
Most people haven’t built the skills and cultivated the sensitivities for nuanced atunement to anyone different. Seems most people are working full time, watching sports, and eating hamburgers. I mean they don’t consider themselves on earth to do this sacred work. If they’re not getting paid for it, they don’t want to do it. Maybe they will care for their kids and grandkids. That’s it.
I’m working to make a better world with more information and trust as spoken from the actual disabled person. But it’s slow, and I hope many more people join me.
Here is a list of ways of sexual expression without a partner. I have a partner, but his disabilities are a lot of work. I would like to have sex with someone who has different disabilities. For now, that person is me!
This can be full on masturbation with lube and toys, or sensually caressing my own thighs for a moment only. Kissing my own hands can feel nice–stroking my own face. Breathing and being with myself. Relaxing with myself and loving me.
For a long time, I felt ashamed to kiss my own hands and stroke my own face. With effort, I could reclaim sexuality by rubbing my vulva. But less direct self-love sensuality felt more taboo. Culture has placed a lot of restrictions on us, to the point where some kinds of self-touch are difficult for me to do even when I’m alone. As if a wrathful god was watching and would not approve.
Feels great to free myself and get intentional about the variety of ways I can touch myself. I can try self-touching more part of my body, with new attitudes.
Often I talk to myself in my head in kind and caring ways. But talking to myself in sexy ways is new.
- You are so sexy.
- You are so fucking beautiful.
- I love you just as you are.
- I love you in a sexy way.
- Your tits are lovely.
- You make me wanna come.
- You’re safe with me, and you matter to me.
Why not? It’s true– I can allow myself to say it.
Even if I don’t want to share the photos, or use them here for a blog post, if can be fun to take naked pictures. I didn’t know what my vulva currently looks like until I took a photo.
Because of muscle weakness and pain issues, it can help to have my spouse photograph me. But timers and selfie sticks can help with sexy self-photography. Using my own body as a source of beautiful art is gratifying and can be stimulating also.
sexy sound recording
Sexy sound recording is another way of representing a sexual experience using sound instead of visual. It can be straightforward. It can be more performative and arty. I want to do way more of this.
Sound has always been the part of erotic film that got me off the most. Limitations can be fun, to stick with one sense.
sexy art making
Likewise, drawing / painting / collaging a representation of myself as seen naked in a mirror can be a sexy fun. I can depict my view as I look down at my naked body, or cartoon naked bodies from my imagination. I can draw screen capture stills from erotic film, photos from whatever sexy sites online.
This art making can be a nourishing way to take something commercial and possibly not so great, and pass it through the filter of my own mind and being. That way my spirit touches and changes it. So it’s my own art, even though the source is from elsewhere.
Breast prints might be fun. I never tried that. Vulva prints? Dick prints? You’d need some safe ink or paint. You could adorn your naked body with flowers. Art like shooglet style.
A friend of mine wrote lesbian erotica which she sold digital on a mega online retailer, under a pen name. I’m not sure if she was getting off on it. But you know what they say: No tears for the writer, no tears for the reader.
erotic art viewing
It can be fun to view erotic art alone. So many ways to do it. Cheap free stuff, high end stuff that needs more paying for, arty stuff. You can view it as a cold anthropologist, like an overexcited teenage boy, and everything in between.
I like projects that portray people who look more like me. This Adopisitvity project has some images of fat people that I can enjoy looking at.
I remember when I was a young person, visiting a used bookstore one town over. There was a small art taped to a bookshelf that included clinical pictures of actual butts. Just 12 or so butts of various shapes and sizes. I love that. It was not arousing like I was drooling with lust. But it was fun in a sexy way and felt healing, to see naked images that were not airbrushed–just regular folks like me.
How about vulva portraits? This project Vulva Gallery is empowering, informative, and possibly sexy also. Some kind of exciting! Your sexual response may vary.
My good friend who’s done camming finds it empowering. It was fun for her to realize that countless men could adore her body and pay for that. Something like camming might be a source of income as well as sexual interaction and learning.
Likewise phone sex, escorting, and other types of sex work might be a way to have sexual interactions outside of muggle relationships. Hahaha, I like the way I just used the word muggle.
ways of sexual expression without a partner
Do you know other ways of sexual expression without a partner? I want to make more sexy art. I can see some in my mind right now. Vivid, saturated colors swirling in depictions of naked fat people like me. Yes, I can’t wait.
I want to date myself, smile at myself, and drop all the fucked up things culture taught me about self-love. One of my gifts / curses is doing things in my own way. So bring it.