On Lex, I saw an ad by someone looking for a cuddle buddy. He called himself a papito–a little papa. Or a little potato?
Sounds good! At first I thought he said pepito, which I understood as pepita. I liked imagining him as a pumpkin seed, this cuddling stranger. Seeds are cool–the source of so much life. A compact, nutrient-dense packet of genes and possibility.
Papito said he was looking for cuddle calls, someone to do that on the regular, with cuddle instead of booty. Wow, sounded nice. I am looking for cuddle in various ways. Feels easier and safer than sex, health-wise but also emotionally. I need aftercare and lots of love, if sex is involved. With cuddle, I still need connection, but it’s not the same intensity.
“Hmm, should I message this person?” I wondered. What would my spouse think of that? I felt a little slutty. It would just be a curious checking in, not setting up a date for right then. But I thought I should talk with my spouse before messaging, to care for my spouse’s feelings.
The ad was good–he likes to be the big spoon. So I looked at Papito’s profile. Seemed ok–transmasc is great for me. I favor the enby folks and trans folks of all kinds.
Then I got to the last line of the ad, which said, “If you don’t wear deodorant or you’re not local, don’t bother.” Oops–I honestly don’t wear deodorant. Sometimes for special occasions, but overall, I worry it will give me cancer or Alzheimer’s. I just don’t need to put weird unnecessary chemicals on vulnerable places of my body.
And I was in the area for a couple weeks, but not really local. Did I actually want a one time cuddle? No, I need relationship.
So then I didn’t message the papito after all. His “don’t bother” rubbed me the wrong way. Like he has thousands of possible cuddle buddies and needs to narrow it down. The annoying out of towners are flooding his inbox with junk cuddle requests.
The experience was mostly fruitless, but it did make me think about what I really want in queer love connections. I could write my own advert, looking for cuddle friends. Why not?
I brought the ad up with my spouse, telling him the story and how I’d thought about. We talked about papitos. The picture I chose for this post is potato flowers.