I learned a new word: Agrexophilia. It means getting off on other people knowing your sexual activities. I came upon this word while reading a list of kinks. I’d never heard it before.
The definition I read mentioned agrexophilia examples of bragging about conquests, playing a homemade sex video online, and having sex in public places. Seems like a form of exhibitionism. Maybe exhibitionism but more mediated.
I thought of locker room talk. Do locker room braggers get off on others knowing their exploits? I thought it was about power and social cache. Not that they’re getting a boner about it. But who knows.
It made me think of my ex-husband who got off on recording himself masturbating. He wanted me to be involved, but I was not interested. To my knowledge he never actually shared the videos. But just recording himself beating off gave him a sexual thrill.
It also made me think of me. Is this blog a big example of agrexophilia?
No, I write these things because I need to talk about sex, and I need an anonymous place to talk about other secret stuff also, mostly pertaining to family skeletons in the closet. I’m not getting off on the fact that strangers could read what I do and think about sexually. It just requires more privacy because of the intensity of judgement I could receive.
Well, that’s not precisely true. I do get off my spouse reading the sexy things I write here. I want to delightfully arouse him, then enjoy his sexual attention.
Mostly it’s like other writing I do. Writing is my main art, and I’m compelled to share. Also I think my perspectives matter, and they help a few people. I have a place. I’m saying truths others might not say.
This blog might be a weird mix of smut, thoughts about sex, and thoughts about family pain. Maybe to the casual observer, the topics aren’t connected. But in actuality, it’s all swirled together.
The only reason I need bdsm is the violences I endured in my family as a child. Sex is a primary way I find intimacy and love, which I seek so intensely because of family trauma.
And my parents having sex as teenagers is how I find myself embodied, traveling planet earth for a time. I arrived as a baby in a family as a result of sex, as most people do.
Just trust me. It’s all part and parcel.
Another exception is that masturbation audio recording I made. That was a big deal to me. I honestly did get off on the idea of people hearing that. But only like a 3 out of 10. I’m charmed by the notion of mostly dudes listening to that audio file and jacking off. Not sure why. One of those feelings that doesn’t make sense.
Thank you for enjoying what I do here. Please share with friends who you think might enjoy my writing. More readers might be more motivating for me to write more often here. Thank you for considering.
Do you get off on others knowing your sexual pleasures and experiences? Vulnerability is what I’m here for. What are you here for?