chastity belt

I was thinking about a friend I had long ago for a short time who wanted me to hold a key to his chastity belt.  He was into these devices–the kind he had was plastic–that encase a dick, and are locked with a key.

Why have I never talked about this chastity belt here on this sexblog?  Not sure.  Maybe I forgot about it.

erotic deprivation

It came up (yes) because I was working on a previous post that mentioned orgasm denial and erotic deprivation.  A wikipedia link I visited showed chastity belts for dicks, so I remembered that friend.

I really liked him.  We were about the same age, but he was in the south.  I think he was in Atlanta.  We were both writers, which is nice.  I was married at the time in a monogamous relationship with my ex-husband.  The then-husband knew I was on okcupid talking to people.  It was no problem.

I was lonely then.  I had few friends and felt excited to connect with folks who had different values.  Yes, I come from a meat and potatoes kind of place–an agricultural area.  It’s a red town in a blue state, for sure.

Looking for something better than the abuse and repression of my parents is important to me.  I was on the hunt for new ideas and people to learn from and love.

curious

During that time of life, I was waking up and stretching as if from a long sleep.  I’d been hiding out for almost a decade, resting after trauma.  My world was very small, and I was edging out to see what might be available to me.

I met this friend on okcupid, so I shouldn’t be surprised he wanted something sexual.  We met because he posted weird stories.  They were fiction but read like someone just talking about his life.  Probably he hooked a lot of curious people that way.  It’s one way to start a conversation.  I was curious and looking for nourishing connection.

what happened

We talked frequently for some weeks, maybe some months.  I felt rather close to him.  Then he was like–I have a question for you, and I don’t know how to ask it.

I was like–go ahead.

Then he told me he was into male chastity belts, which I had never heard of.  I listened attentively to his explanation about them.

My first question was about hygiene.  Dicks and balls can be wet areas, and it seemed like wearing something plastic for a long time wouldn’t be good for skin health.  I was like–don’t you need to take it off when you take a shower?

He asked if I would hold a key, and I was like–I’ll think about it.  I’ll talk to my husband and get back to you.  I was trying to figure out–is this an erotic thing?  A safety thing?  A trusted friend thing?

Holding onto a key seemed sacred.  Was I supposed to be getting off on this?  It was hard for me to tell how he felt about it, and how he wanted me to feel.  I was open to it, but not aroused by it.

no

Finally I told him yes.  I saw the key as a sacred responsibility.  I said I would keep it in a special place and feel helpful.

But he never ended up sending me a key.  Maybe that was for the best.

My then-husband was initially confused by the whole chastity belt thing, then ok with it.  Maybe the friend had wanted me to do it secretly, for some erotic secrecy thrill?  Maybe I ruined it with my honesty.

Shortly thereafter, my friend stopped speaking to me.  When I asked about the silence, he said he found a “real life girlfriend” and no longer needed his online friends.  It hurt, as for me the inner life and the outer life are both important.  And I don’t want to treat people as disposable, or be treated that way.

loss

I remember this friend as one loss of many.  People come and go, even though I prefer when people come and stay.

This is a part one.  To be continued!