“What’s this?” I asked my spouse. He was hugging me, and his semi-hard dick was pushing on me, through his pants.
“What’s this?” he asked me, gently grabbing my right breast.
I giggled. I touched his dick, and it poked out more.
“It’s a boner,” my spouse said. “It’s because I love you. I’ve had it all morning.”
“Wow, all morning?” I asked. “Do you want to do something about it?”
“Yeah!” he said.
“Would you like to masturbate on me?” I asked. “I can just lie there and rest.”
“Yeah!” he said.
So we took off our clothes and went to bed.
In bed he masturbated on me. I was lying down, and he was kneeling on the bed beside me, looking at my breasts and armpit as he beat off. I lift my arms for him.
He has a thing for underarms. At first I thought it was the hair, but it can be shaved too.
I watched his hand moving on his dick. Of course I was not just resting. I touched his thighs, his balls, his tummy. Encouragingly, I looked up at him and told him how good he is.
He would reach down and rub my nipples.
“Do you like those tits?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said and beat off some more.
A new thing we did was rub my breasts on his balls. Somehow we were positioned so that made sense. I turned closer to him. It felt great. His soft balls enjoyed my large, soft breasts rubbing on them, and the nipple poking out arousedly was part of that. Felt erotic and fun do something new.
Yes, I recommend it. He came on me, and then I masturbated too.
“I was thinking about sex this morning when I woke up,” I told my spouse. “Thinking about doing it with different people, these people who my body is interested in. But they are not here, you know. They don’t actually want me enough to show up for love.”
“Mmhmm,” my spouse said, listening to me as we cuddled.
“If they wanted to be here, they would be. If replying to a voicemail or message is too much for them, then of course I’m too much for them,” I said.
“Right,” my spouse said.
“I need consistency and to trust people deep in my bones, to be really close to them. And I thank God that ______ didn’t call me back. It’s a gift from the universe, that I don’t have to waste more time on him,” I said.
“Yeah, I agree,” my spouse said. My spouse really likes that friend. But my spouse agrees that being chill friends with a person vs having sex with a person can activate different feelings and needs.
“I’m glad I can be curious about different people, and let my body go through its processes. But I’m getting smarter with my mind of who I really belong with. And there’s no one but you who I belong with, right now,” I told my spouse.
“Yeah,” he said.
I wish we could have a bigger family, but I’m not willing to do the work of getting there. Dating is a shit show. I’m too tired. It’s ok if it’s just the two of us.
I’m grateful for the friends who support us, and grateful I can stay curious and let my body feel how it feels, with lots of freedom.