This is plans for a banishment ritual. I loved some men, over the years. Devotion is a skill. I gave a lot, sometimes more than was best for me.
Takes a while to learn the sweet spot. I have social differences, pertaining to autism. And I lacked healthy relationship role models as a kid and young adult. How was I supposed to know?
I have to learn what healthy relationship is and throw out what comes naturally to me. Bhakti yoga worship of the beloved as god comes naturally to me–worship is my nature. And domestic violence cycles come naturally to me, from my family of origin. It’s tons of work, to choose something different.
These dudes I loved who I was not good enough for, and they rejected me–they contact me over the years to check in for more. Really?
I need a banishment ritual–similar to a protection ritual, but more specific. These men who rejected me not leaving me alone are a problem. Worse than haters, they pop up and knock me off balance. I can’t dismiss them very easily, as I loved them.
At least my rapist is dead and can’t do that anymore. I gave the abusive men a ton of love, care, support, and sex, with very little effort on their part. Sending me an email-bomb to see if there’s possibility for more is easy for them. But not ok with me.
Here are materials for a banishment ritual.
paper and pen
water in a dish
water to drink
Mother God, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for all my gifts and resources, especially my safe family, my own body and mind, my intelligence, my big heart. You have given me so much.
Thank you that I know how to love, and that I can make choices, learn, and get myself out of situations that are harming me. I’m so grateful that I don’t get stuck. Or I can unstick myself.
Thank you for helping me understand my own freedom. Thank you for boundaries and for helping me learn to say no.
a heartfelt no
Man who I loved, who rejected me:
I offered you my sustained attention and support, tender adoration, repeated forgiveness. My family, my love, collaboration you never deserved, delicious foods, my time and energy, my deep insight. Art, travel, ritual, my voice, my very body.
You’re the one who didn’t love me enough to choose me. You’re the one who harmed me with dishonesty and not doing relationship like an adult. Yes, you’re the one who strung me along and used me for all you could, with deception and deception’s violence.
No–my answer is no. You are no longer welcome at my table. You had a ridiculous amount of chances. I have no interest in another round.
leave me alone
Please, please leave me alone. Heal yourself with Truth, or find new activities. I’m not doing any more work for you or with you. Emotional labor and otherwise.
I love myself too much to mess around with your selfish fuckery. I have a good life and no need to be derailed by you. Stop knocking on my door. I’m not playing anymore.
Fuck far, far off. I no longer consider you a pertinent person in my life. My inner life is not for you. My outer life is not for you. I dismiss you.
I’ll write the list of names of men who did this to me, starting with who violenced me as a child, then my rapist, my first husband, and the men of modern times. See those names, visualize the men, cry, tear the paper, burn it, and be done with it.
Hate isn’t what fuels me. I’m fueled by love of myself, my spouse, and the life I want to live. My ancestors worked so hard to create me and hand me their gifts. Wasting that on selfish men is such a shooting myself in the foot move.
I watched my mom waste her vibrant energy being abused by my dad and then my brother. I owe it to her, not to follow that same pattern. If not for myself or the world, I can do it for her.
She was always proud of me for my choices. She thought I had guts.
Dear mama, I miss you today, as the veil grows thin. Thank you for carrying me in your womb, holding me as a baby, teaching me how to love, and showing me how not to love. I respect you more than anything, and I care for myself partly for you.