“I need to wake up,” my spouse said to me. It was morning, and he was having a slow start.
“Do you know anything in particular that might help you wake up?” I asked. I was still in bed, writing. “Like what if you could try yodeling. Or you could masturbate. Or you could plunge into freezing cold water. Would any of that help you wake up?”
“I’d like to masturbate!’ he said.
“Oh, ok,” I said. “Would that help you wake up?”
“Yeah!” he said. He got undressed.
“Cool. Could I watch or participate?” I asked.
“Yeah!” he said.
bed
He stood by the bed naked, and his hard dick was sticking out. He seemed to be offering it to me. I looked and appreciated.
Then he climbed into bed with me, and I held him close. I kissed his mouth, cheek, shoulders, smooth chest. I nuzzled and snuzzled him. Pleasure joy love hormones filled my body.
His dick was in his hand, and he masturbated. I liked to see. I touched his tummy as he beat off. So soft and lovely. I reached down and touched his warm, generous thighs. I like their soft hair and kissable kindness.
pleasure is real
Pleasure is real, and it’s a great way to wake up. Glory be to Mother God for bodies that can feel pleasure, nerves that work for more than pain, arms that can caress, lips that can kiss. This human birth is a joy. Parts of us are disabled, but there’s still so much we can do.
The pleasure of newness is one thing. Many people know that thrilling sexual excitement. Evolution or something about biology sets us up to feel a surge of extra lust for the novel ass.
But I can’t enjoy new love all that well, when we barely know each other. I know it often leads to danger. Many people don’t know how to love, and desire leads them to do copious violence.
Lack of skills creates dishonesty. Dishonesty leads to lack of consent. Lack of consent means violence and suffering.
I want to love, and I want to see the best in people. Sly abusers notice that and take all they can take. In the past I put up with too much non-consensual pain, until I hated my own love as a tool of my own undoing. The love becomes part of the destruction, so I hate myself for feeling.
spouse
I’m grateful to have something happy and functional with my spouse. The pleasure of sex mixed with long term true love is a way better pleasure than newness excitement. Given enough money, you can buy newness. But nothing can buy long term love. It’s valuable beyond gold.
Long term love is something not everyone gets to experience. Some people can’t maintain happy long term relationships. Or their multi-month and mulri-year relationships are filled with abuse. Trust isn’t possible. The relationship limps along out of economic necessity or lack of faith in a better way. Couples break up and get back together again as part of an addiction cycle or out of desperation.
Enough good is mixed with the bad to keep it confusing. A spark of tenderness or need is enough to start it up again. In a dysfunctional world, clinging to dysfunctional relationships is so common.
wake up
Love is always a reason to wake up. More delicious than coffee, grapefruit, or some morning bread.
Long term love is healing to us personally, but also healing to culture. My spouse and I model that it’s possible to stay together for a long time with honesty and joy. Sex is part of what makes the effort worth it. Being with someone who’s fully invested in our shared well-being is the delicious dream.
