hard dick

There are so many things to do with a hard dick, and so many things to do without a hard dick.

There were a few weeks when my spouse’s dick wasn’t always hard when expected.  That was no problem.  But first we were surprised; I think it was related to a medication.

We realized that a hard dick is only needed for fucking.  And there are plenty of other things to do in bed.  Here’s a list of sex things to do without a hard dick.

to do

• kiss the dick
• kiss, pat, grab, suck the balls
• rub my naked breasts on the dick or anywhere
• talk or sing to the dick
• pray for the dick
• blessing ritual
• bathe together erotically
• share fantasies and touch
• masturbate together
• breast play times ten
• cunt worship
• go down on me
• rub my vulva
• pet my underarm hair
• I can hump your leg or your hip or any part of you
• you can kiss any part of me
• long slow caresses
• bite my neck and shoulders
• play with that sensitive place on my lower back
• experiment with sexual experiences that are less common for us involving unusual role play, peeing, more pain
• make sexual art together–photos, video, drawings, sound
• view sexual art together
• speak about sex in d/s ways
• I dominate him for a change

Really there are so many things to do besides bio dick fucking.  What if I wore a strap on and fucked him?  My spouse wouldn’t like to take it in the ass.  But he could blow my non-bio dick.

Sounds wonderful.  I would love to see him with my dick in his mouth.  I have never owned a strap on.  Maybe it’s time.

definition of sex

What ‘s your definition of sex?  My definition is broad–anything we do together that’s joyfully sexy.  I include solo masturbation; I like having sex with myself!  But mostly it’s a consensual, intentional exchange of erotic energy, usually with pleasure involved, between two or more people.

Maybe it’s queer, that fucking is not a pinnacle of sexual experiences for us?  P in v can be lovely, but I don’t need it every day.  That’s for sure.

content warning: domestic violence

I’ve heard of hetero men who define sex as fucking.  When the partner wanted to get tubal ligation so she wouldn’t risk more pregnancy, the man said no.  He said she would no longer be a woman.  He believed that fertility is central to womanness and desirability.  He was in charge of gender, in the relationship.  So he forbade tubal ligation.

Yuck!  That’s some nasty domestic violence that probably accompanies other kinds of domestic violence.

Sex is something we can define for ourselves.  I will never be with a partner again who thinks they can tell me what to do with my body, and who thinks he can decide unilaterally what happened between us.

The whole damn world could consider sex just fucking.  But I don’t care what other people think.  I know what sex is in my body.  I know how it feels and what I need around it.

denial

The last man I loved and wanted to be close to came to visit me, had sex with me, and pretended he didn’t.  I’ve told the story here before and don’t need to tell it again.

Holy crap–it’s the one year anniversary today.  A year later, I’m still angry and astounded that this man just tried me out sexually and thought that was an ok thing to do.  I was supposed to roll with that and feel ok.  Hmm!

I’d adored him for more than a year, and we talked every day.  I’d supported him, loved, listened, and lived partly for his well-being.  He flew three thousand miles to do whatever he wanted with me, with no responsibility or care.

It was one of the worst experiences of my life.  Later another of his girlfriends contacted me to shame me.  She said the man told her that I was upset that he wouldn’t have sex with me.  That’s why the visit went to hell.

He was and probably is a liar, lying to her, me, and anyone who would listen.  I never touched his hard dick, so it wasn’t sex in his opinion.  That level of selfish denial is not ok with me.  I will never be close to anyone who treats me that way again.

problems

“You know what I like about you?” I asked my spouse.

“What?” he asked.

“I like your problems.  I’m really glad you don’t have regular problems.  You have weird problems!  I much prefer them,” I said, smiling.

Normal problems could be car trouble, addiction, balding, termites, mean boss?  Theft, cancer, oppressive relative?  Erectile dysfunction, gophers, neighbor of differing political beliefs and nasty signage?

Seeing the hard dick of my spouse can be exciting.  I can feel special that he’s still aroused to be near me, after all these years.  And it can make me want to come and be vulnerable with him, to see his vulnerability.