I was telling my spouse about someone I know–a friend I’m not close to, more of an acquaintance–who has a daddy.

My friend’s daddy is a nonbinary person, I think.  It blew me away to learn more about the daddy dynamic.  I thought I couldn’t be a daddy–I thought since I’m mostly a cis lady, that role is never possible for me.  But wow.  What if I could do that, if I edged nonbinary-er?

Then another friend of mine has a daddy.  He seems to have very good experiences.  There’s care, compassion, feedback, stern direction.  It was a celebratory occasion, when the daddy said “I love you” to my friend.

I feel intrigued about the role.  I would like to get a master’s degree in daddies!  My thesis could be like Fucked Familial Roles with Happy Endings: How Daddies Heal Emotional Wounds Through Thoughtful Sexual Domination.


Are daddies a good idea?  My sample size is very small, but it looks good from here.

But is the whole trope just a reinforcement of outdated gender crap?  Many people seem to be getting off on the idea and seem nourished.  It works for them–of course, consenting adults can do what they want.

Maybe I’m just jealous I don’t have a daddy.  Would I even want that?  I definitely have issues with men!  Early in our relationship, my spouse and I did meaningful BDSM play that involved processing family pain.  I carry trauma about my dad, always chipping away at it.


I guess the other half of my question is not about daddies and gender, but about me.  Am I a little?  Do I have littles inside me?  Definitely I think of myself as holding inside of me all the ages I’ve ever been, including kid selves.

I think about my inner child and try to be nice to her.  She worked so hard to get me here today.  I wish I could thank her a thousand times, for our survival.

But does part of me want to be bossed around in a way I associate with oppression, pain, and powerlessness?  I think I’ve done all the work with that that I’ve needed to.  Not sure.

No one is offering to dom or daddy me.  I have a good friend who I used to wish for cuddles and closeness with who is a dom, but that friend expressed a lack of time/energy to do something intense with me, not wanting to hurt me.

It’s true–I have lots of needs and feelings.  We would rather do it right or not at all.


Would you like a daddy?  Did you ever have one?  Would you like to be a daddy?  Do you think many people can benefit from these roles?  Would you like to be my daddy?

Often I’ve wished our culture had more roles.  I need more creativity and possibilities for what we can be to one another.  The friend category is sweet but can feel vast and vague.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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