sapphire

I wrote this poem “sapphire” about choosing to live by making a promise about what to prioritize, saying no to love that would destroy me.  I choose to survive.

sapphire

I got your message that you’re sober

and back in Ohio with your family.

I wanted to be your family.

You lied to me.

You reach out today

ostensibly to apologize.

I blocked you immediately.

The truth is– being sober means

you’re bored out of your mind.

And I was a lady who loved you

more than anything.

So you’ll spend two minutes

to see if I’ll give you more

thousands of dollars

and years of my life.

Which step

is to make amends?

You never even began.

Even 12 stepping is a scam

for you to use anyone

kind-hearted enough to listen.

But I keep it to myself.

You’ll never touch me again.

You had your chance

times ten.

You chose to use me,

so I’m not playing.

I’m buying a ring

for myself,

gleaming sapphire

to see on my hand

and remember my promise,

like tying a string

to remember

you’re a sham of a man.

I prefer living.

I won’t sacrifice

my life for your well-being.

I promise to love myself,

sapphire brilliant,

which means never

speaking with you again.