“What do you want?” I asked my spouse, a common post-lunch bed question.
“I wanna stick my dick between your tits,” he said.
“Oh, ok,” I said.
It was a different answer than usual. Often he says, “I wanna put my dick inside you,” and I ask where. Then I give him options, if he needs ideas of the different inner places to penetrate.
And often when I ask, “What do you want?”
He says, “I want you to suck my dick,” which is a great thing to want.
I reply, “Aw, you’re so sweet,” and touch his shoulders caringly. “I love you. I’m so glad you want me. You still want me, after all these years,” and I blow him.
This time I scooched down on the bed and nestled his dick between my tits. I lifted my right breast with my hands to get his dick in deeper, the head of his dick right up against my chest.
“Ok, there we go. A dick sandwich with breast bread,” I said. Then I laughed. My laughter vibrated his dick.
He thrust himself between my tits, and he liked it.
“Mmm!” I said, enjoying it also.
What I really wanted was to suck it. Felt so big and appealing. I scooched down farther and put just the head of his dick in my mouth. Yummy–yes.
“Nice lollipop you give me here,” I said, and went down for another suck.
what do you want
What do you want? Are you getting your needs met? How important are sexual needs, to you? Do you wish you had more or less sexual need?
Did you wall that part of you off from the rest of the world? Is it relegated to porn and turning your head away from girls dressed in their summer clothes?
Or maybe things are on hold. Or maybe you’re learning all the time, vocal about needs, and deeper in it than I am. Probably you’re not ace, if you’re here.
In my case, I went toward sexuality, as you know. Please don’t summarize it as a pathological hypersexuality after trauma. It’s something more dense and healing than that. A path to learning, short path sutra.
I’ve heard that just about anything can be used to harm. Even a wholesome garden tool can become a murder weapon, right? Under horrible circumstance. Water is necessary for life, but drowning is a problem.
A lot has to do with dose. Medicine is only helpful in the right quantity. I need sex as medicine, and my therapeutic range is broad.
I think about it, write about it, and do it every day. Thank you for being on a small part of my journey.