In between places are where I like to dwell. It’s true–some people take advantage of undefined. But I’m comfortable with the liminal. I’m happy to do something that English language doesn’t have words for.
A friend who I’m doing something liminal with said that she and I are platonic lovers. I don’t think Plato has anything to do with our relationship. But we do love each other–skillfully, consistently, clearly, warmly, significantly!
I don’t need to have sex with someone for them to be very important to me and worth showing up for. Many people I meet seem to require sex, for close relationship to be worth it, in order to do real love.
Yes, sex can motivate, but I enjoy showing up for more than that.
temporary chosen family
I live with my spouse and want to be with him all my life. Then I have a few friends who I talk to every day. I consider them temporary chosen family. How safe I feel, in their love.
Then I have a couple other friends who are not daily contact. But I trust them and want to be close to them my whole life. I adore and treasure them, but we have a non-daily pace.
Then there’s a wildcard friend who I’m getting to know. I like this beginning part, when I’m not sure if we’ll keep relating in a happy way and do a good job long term with consent and respect. It’s fun to get to know them with a little tinge of excitement, NRE for friendship.
My ex recently bothered me again, the one who harassed and stalked me. It was disruptive, and I feel angry that he hasn’t moved on. It’s been more than three years since we were close, and I wish he would get a life.
How ironic, how he used to tell me that I held on to stuff and was angry. What do you call it, when someone is hurting you, you name the problem, and the person doing the bad behavior accuses you of that very same behavior? It’s like projection but more sinister.
My ex and I inhabited in between places together. He was a controlling and violent person. But the liminal doesn’t have to be like that. Assholes are all over the place, in conventional relationship styles also.
I had a bestie years ago who called me lover. I called her lover too. We had a tight relationship with zero sex. We were there for one another in a super reliable way. It was bliss.
But when my spouse and I roadtripped to visit her, I cried because I was in love with her and longed for her, but she didn’t want to have sex with me. That time was confusing. It might have been her calling me lover that threw me off.
Looking back, I can see now that having sex with that bestie might have been a terrible idea. To get in deeper with her emotionally might have led to more heartbreak. But who knows. Sex might have bonded us in a different way and changed the course of our lives, with housing or other huge choices.
Not sure what all this has to do with a drained swimming pool in some rich person place. I searched wikicommons for liminal, with no use restrictions, and this pool does look like a great example of in between places.